Oblivion
by Tinkering
Summary: Yet another PxW challenge.In this Harry comes back in his sixth year to speak to Severus privately to apologise for snooping in his Penseive.But Severus is under the effects of a potion as Harry arrives and does something...bad.
1. Default Chapter

_Disclaimer: **I own not, you speak not, I steal not, you sue not.**_

Yet another TSS story...this one's a bit...dark. Not my usual stylings but I've been told it's good? Can't seem to get the muse rolling this one out though.

* * *

**Oblivion**

"Confundus!" Harry who had been reaching out for the doorknob to exit Professor Snape's room after his visit, flew forward and hit the door as the spell collided with him. He was looking up blearily from where he was sprawled on the floor and saw the angry and slightly unhinged Professor stalking towards him.

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

_"What's all this, what's all this?" Gilderoy Lockhart was striding toward them, his turquoise robes swirling behind him. "Who's giving out signed photos?"_

_Harry started to speak but he cut short as Lockhart flung an arm around his shoulders and thundered jovially, "Shouldn't have asked!" We meet again, Harry!"_

_Pinned to Lockhart's side and burning with humiliation, Harry saw Malfoy slide smirking back into the crowd._

"_Come on then, Mr. Creevey," said Lockhart, beaming at Colin. "A double portrait, can't do better than that, and we'll both sign it for you."_

_Colin fumbled for his camera and took the picture as the bell rang behind them, signaling the start of afternoon classes._

_"Off you go, move along there," Lockhart called to the crowd, and he set off back to the castle with Harry, who was wishing he knew a good Vanishing spell, still clasped to his side._

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

Harry's body was frozen in place as he shook with fear and his mind numb as things he didn't know he knew suddenly appeared in his mind. He wasn't even aware of his robes being torn off and being pushed onto a couch under Severus Snape, who was panting and flushed, holding a wand on him. All he was aware of was what he was remembering.

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

_"A word to the wise, Harry," said Lockhart paternally as they entered the building through a side door. "I covered up for you back there with young Creevey—if he was photographing me too, your schoolmates won't think you're setting yourself up so much…"_

_Deaf to Harry's stammers, Lockhart swept him down a corridor lined with staring students and up a staircase._

_"You look a little bothered Harry. Come with me. I have a little something in my rooms I can give you that'll make you feel a lot better."_

_"But Professor…"_

_"No buts Harry you look like you need it. Besides I don't have any classes to teach right now and I'm sure Professor Dumbledore will understand why I kept you out of class this once. We must…have a chat." Lockhart pushed Harry into his private rooms ahead of him and stepped in behind him, sticking his head back out the door for a peek down the corridors before shutting it and locking them both inside._

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

Harry lay still like a doll, being undressed. His shirt was unbuttoned and pulled open exposing his lightly tanned chest. Harry shivered as a warm mouth slid across his skin and shut his eyes as his professor's face came back into view when he lifted his head. A blonde blue-eyed figure suddenly floated across his mind and for one second Harry was fully attentive as his eyes shot open before he remembered the situation he was in again and his mind thankfully retreated again. His eyes looked glassily up at his professor though his face did look pained as he remembered more.

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

_"Professor I really have to get to class." Harry switched from one foot to the other, uncomfortable in Professor Lockhart's room with all his smiling, winking pictures._

_"Wait,wait. Here take this…" Gilderoy turned from his trunk with a wide smile holding out a small bottle of blue potion._

_"What is it?" Harry looked at the potion inside. It didn't look dangerous but still…_

_"A little relaxant…calming thing you know." Lockhart popped the cork and held it out to Harry. "Go on. In fact," he tilted back his head and let a couple of drops fall into his mouth before handing the bottle to Harry. "I needed some too."_

_Harry's brow furrowed slightly but he took the bottle and sniffed it. 'Smells like flowers.'_

_"A drop or two Harry." Lockhart was watching him avidly, almost excited. Harry made up his mind. He'd take that damn thing and hurry and get the hell out of here._

_Harry tilted back his head and tilted the bottle over his mouth. 'One…two.' He swallowed and handed the bottle back to Professor Lockhart with a small smile and a "thank you", the only thing he felt then was a small shiver through his body._

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

Harry's body shuddered as he was freed of his last article of clothing. His boxers. He felt so exposed. 'I deserve this. I'm so stupid. How could I have been so stupid as to drink it?' Harry whimpered softly as a hand closed around his flaccid member. When he stopped moving wishing it over, the hand left him as he still didn't respond. Harry shut his eyes as his professor stood and started to strip himself.

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

_"Okay professor I…" Harry shifted on his feet again, even more uncomfortable now. Hismember kept tingling. Harry flushed shifting on his feet once more. "I have to go."_

_"Wait now. It doesn't seem to be working. You still look bothered." Gilderoy smiled and walked over to his couch letting himself fall onto it easily and unclasped his robes. "Come here Harry."_

_Harry bit his lip as he hardened slightly. 'Gods this is embarrassing. Maybe I can just sit in here for a bit.' Harry gave a slight nod and sat on the little bit of the couch Professor Lockhart wasn't sprawled across. He undid his robes and slipped out of them. 'I do feel a bit hot come to think of it.'_

_Professor Lockhart sat up and shrugged out of his robes too. "Good idea Harry. I'm hot, aren't you? You should take off that tie…" and then he leaned over with nimble fingers and started to work on it._

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

Harry opened his eyes and looked straight up at the ceiling above him. His body shuddered again. He'd only been twelve for Gods sake. He hadn't known…hadn't known…but how could he take advantage of me? Harry scrunched up his face fighting back tears. 'I'm not a virgin. I don't have anything to give my special someone. I'll never have a special someone. I'm not worthy.'

Harry barely winced as his professor's naked body straddled his. The thin hips on his thrust gently making Harry whimper. He didn't want this to happen again. He'd be dirty again. Worse. He tuned out Snape's grunts as rubbed his damp hard erection over Harry's hips, humping him.

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

_Harry looked down at the hands undoing his tie. They looked white and soft and fast. He smiled watching them undo the knot on his tie easily. That took him hours to do up himself. He lifted his head and grinned at his professor at ease for the first time with the man._

_"Okay Harry?" Lockhart purred giving Harry a slow grin back, fingers slowing on his tie._

_"Uhh…yea." Harry blushed and looked away. No one had ever looked at him like that before. Like he was…dessert. Harry swallowed and shifted on the couch, slightly closer to Lockhart hoping he'd hurry up with the tie. His cock was hard now and chafing in his pants._

_"You look so uncomfortable." Lockhart finally finished with the tie and pulled it from around Harry's neck slowly. "Here."_

_And pressed his hand into Harry's lap. On his erection._

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

Harry shut his eyes and flushed with shame. He could remember now. It had felt good. So good…that was why he was ashamed. Why he was dirty. Of course the potion was supposed to make it feel good, but if he could fight Imperius why couldn't he fight a potion? Harry shifted his hips, the bones of Snape's body digging into him uncomfortably. His ears opened again and he heard the high breathless grunts speeding up. It would be over soon. Maybe if he was lucky this was all Snape would do. Harry was, naively hopeful, as he shut his ears to the outside again. And remembering more now he turned back to his thoughts, oblivious to the warm gush of liquid that spurted onto his thighs.

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

_Harry gasped breathlessly, shocked, scared and excited all at once._

_"Okay Harry?" that purr again. Another grin._

_"Y-yes…" Harry wriggled his hips under the hand another gasp bursting from him as hiserection turned rigid and it suddenly felt good._

_"Warm?" The hand started to rub over the front of his pants and Harry whimpered, shutting his eyes. He nodded hard, a soft pant breaking out. He was hot! He couldn't breathe._

_"Let me help you." The hand moved and Harry protested breathlessly with soft whines. But Professor Lockhart was just taking his shirt off for him._

_"There does that help?" Not really but Harry nodded anyway. Wanting his professor's hand back there. Touching himself never did that!_

_"I could help more…if you got naked."_

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

'Stupid boy. Stupid, stupid boy.' Harry told his twelve year-old self off, in his head. 'How could you do it? Let him take advantage of you?' Harry answered himself. 'I didn't know any better. And what about you?' 'What about me?' 'You know better…you're letting it happen again.' 'Am I letting it happen again?' Harry thought to himself. Snape picked then to stop smearing Harry's body with hisejaculation by rubbing off on him again and started using his mouth instead. Harry gasped as a mouth hooked onto his nipple. 'Yes he was letting it happen again. And worse than that…it felt good again.'

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

_"Get naked? For you?" Harry frowned looking at his professor. The blue eyes so close to his face sparkled and Lockhart leaned in closer._

_"I know how it hurts in a good way Harry. I'm a male too. I have one." He touched Harry's lap again. Smiled widely as Harry arched into his touch with a small gasp._

_"If I…get naked, will it…feel better?"_

_"Like you wouldn't believe Harry." And then he had reached for Harry's zipper. "So?"_

_And Harry nodded._

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

Technically he'd been tricked that time. He hadn't known about sex. Hadn't known what Lockhart was doing was wrong. Had been malleable and not that hard to manipulate. He had no such excuse this time. Harry raised his hips slightly, with a pant he'd been trying to hold back for the last few minutes. Snape's tongue kept darting into his bellybutton and it felt incredible. He was half-hard already and knew it wouldn't take much to get him fully hard. He might even enjoy this. Then it wouldn't be rape, his mind cheered him up. You could just say you had sex with your professor. If you enjoyed it it's not rape.

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

_Lockhart had taken his time, exposing him like a present while he stood there and blushed, wishing it were over. He had been about to turn back at his last article of clothing, his boxers, and then they'd been tugged over his hips, his jutting erection. The friction had made him ejaculate, hips bursting forward as he cried out._

_"Ah…maybe you should have only had one drop…" Lockhart said to himself while Harry stared at him wide-eyed._

_"That felt…great!" He said in an awed whisper._

_"It gets better." Lockhart gave him another grin that sent shivers down his spine and made him hard again. "Oh and call me Gilderoy." He had whispered into Harry's ear as he took Harry'sarousal into his hands._

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

Harry was trying very hard to enjoy his sex. But he didn't want it like this. Didn't want to be sprawled over Snape's couch naked with Snape kneeling on the floor at the side of the couch, trying to suck him off when he kept losing confidence half-way through. He wanted a bed with soft music and candles and flowers and…'oh Gods just something but not this!' He didn't need it hopeless-romantic style. Scratch that, he just wanted to _want_ it.

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

_Harry keened, bucking enthusiastically into Gilderoy's mouth. 'Gilderoy. What a weird name.' Normally Harry would giggle thinking that but he was a little breathless, a little busy._

_He moaned clutching his fingers into the shoulders bent before him. When his boxers had been taken off it hadn't felt…so big as this. The feeling that had been coming hadn't made him weak in the knees like he wanted to fall down. Just slightly giddy. But now…he wanted to fall on the floor and cry._

_"Make…it stop…hurting!" Harry burst out in a high pitched voice. Gilderoy had made it stop hurting. It had felt like dying and waking up again._

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

Harry had forced himself to come. He didn't need to pretend it was anyone else even. He'd always had a feeling he was gay and, before this, Snape wouldn't have been that bad a choice. But he needed to pretend he wanted this. So he had envisioned his flowers and his music and his beautiful bed and with just a few soft kisses, he had come. 'Finally,' Harry almost taunted himself in his head as Snape flipped him over on the couch. 'So this is what it comes down to again.' And it wasn't like he could fight much anyway, every time his mind said something's wrong the charm kicked in. He couldn't understand why he had to leave…

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

_Harry had fallen to his knees in the end. It had been that incredible. Then Gilderoy stood wiping his mouth with a small smile._

_"Perfect Harry. Absolutely perfect. You taste like bliss itself." He ruffled Harry's hair. "Now…I'm sure you'd like to repay the favour." And he had taken off all his clothes in a slow strip tease Harry was made to watch. Getting hard. Again._

_"I have…to put my mouth on that?" Harry squeaked. He wasn't that large. His mouth wasn't that large!_

_"What you can't suck, rub Harry." Gilderoy nudged hisarousal at Harry's lips. "Come on."_

_And he had opened up_.

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

It was easier not to fight anyway. If he didn't fight he could at least pretend he was enjoying it. Like this was his choice. 'Like this isn't…' Harry swallowed and waited for a hard intrusion. But it didn't come. Then he heard soft wet sounds but didn't look. 'Probably best' Harry decided.

Then he left the soft gel between his legs and wanted to laugh. 'Pretend willing participants get lube! The ones that fight get the raw entry. Right, I'd forgotten.' Harry corrected himself. Willing participants…not pretend willing. Because he wanted this. He had asked for this hadn't he? Not with words he could remember…but he had come here. And he was gay. So he wanted this. Harry bit his lip as the first finger slid in.

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

_Harry had almost choked when Gilderoy came. He'd tugged on his head, Harry winced rubbing a spot missing a few hairs, hurting his mouth. And Harry had swallowed hisejaculation because Gilderoy asked him too. Said it would help his throat feel better too because it was liquid-ish so he did. After that Harry had been taken to Gilderoy's bedroom where he said it could get even better._

_Harry couldn't imagine it getting any better than earlier. He told him so. And all Gilderoy said was come see then._

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

Willing participants in sex get soft entries with words of love and maybe kisses to their front or back. Harry convinced himself he wanted the soft kisses strewn across his back as he was taken again. 'Not as willing as I was the first time, but willing.' An almost loving entry. Now for the first thrust. Harry tensed as hands grabbed his hips and pulled him. He gasped and Snape grunted at the impact. Okay it wasn't bad. Not bad at all. He'd even got a little tingle. The second was the same. The third a slightly different angle, more tingle. The fourth, quite pleasing. The rest ran together as Snape started to thrust harder and Harry shut his eyes.

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

_And it was a good thing for Gilderoy Harry had taken the extra drop of aphrodisiac potion. All those extra hours of sex. When it finally stopped 'getting them ready for more' Harry stumbled off of the bed and went back outside the bedroom to get dressed while Gilderoy put on something fresh. When he came back there were photos dashed across the small table in the corner of the bedroom._

_"Umm…Professor I'm going to go now. My friends probably missed me from dinner." Harry blushed furiously unable to meet his professor's eyes now they had…done all those things._

_"That's okay Harry. Come here." Harry had come, to Gilderoy, and got a hug and another hair-ruffle, before the wand had been pulled on him._

_"Obliviate!" The wand was hidden as Harry came back to himself and Gilderoy blinked innocently at him. "Thank you so much Harry for spending time with me…helping me sign me fan mail."_

_Harry blinked slightly confused until he saw his professor's pictures on the desk._

_"Oh. You're welcome…"_

_"You better hurry back to your friends. Oh look at the time! You've missed dinner. Better head for your dormitory. You must be stiff…sitting here for hours, all that writing."_

_Harry flushed slightly. He did feel kind of achy. "Okay. Umm…I'll go now."_

_"Wait. Here's a present Harry." He grabbed a picture quickly, signed his name and handed it to Harry._

_"Go on." Ruffling his hair once more Gilderoy pushed him out the door. And Harry carried on with his second year. Like the afternoon never happened._

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

Harry came with a soft cry, could almost hear the splatter on the couch, could feel it on himself. Snape was close behind and with just a few thrusts more it was over.

'It's over.' Harry got up almost dazed from the couch and got his wand from his robes. Cleaned himself. Fixed his clothes. Dressed. He turned to Snape and cleaned him then the couch under his reclined body and then his clothes. Harry magicked them on as Snape stirred rolling onto his stomach, satiated.

He wasn't kidding anyone. He hadn't wanted the kisses, the soft murmurs of his name or the hair-ruffling. But he had got them so maybe it was better for all concerned they forget. Harry waited until Snape was half-asleep before focusing on what he wanted him to forget, 'the last hour of his life' and then did what had been done to him.

"Obliviate!"

Professor Snape sat up slowly blinking. "What…?"

"Thank you for hearing out my apology about last year again professor. Again I want to say I'm really sorry for prying and I swear it will never happen again. It was really…nice," Harry paused. "Of you, to listen to me even if you don't forgive me."

"What?" Professor Snape stood rubbing his head.

"I've been here apologizing for looking into your penseive last year for the past hour Sir." Harry blinked up innocently, anything but innocent.

Snape blinked before seeming to remember, the penseive incident at least. "Get out!" He looked irate now. 'Good. At least he won't be thinking about gaps in his memory.'

"Thank you for hearing me out though. Goodnight." Harry picked up his invisibility cloak from the floor where he'd left it when he came to visit Snape tonight. No one would know he'd been here but him. The only person that could know…wouldn't remember.

* * *

Firstly, rape is rape. No matter how fics 'glamourise' or 'prettify' it. 

Secondly, hopefully there will be no more of this just the angst now. sticks out tongue

Now...what else? There's more of this...but...I was going to leave this as a one shot for FF...if you want more...holler at me. That lil blue button click go lil window pops up you say 'heyI want more!' or 'heyI don't want more...'


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own not, you speak not, I steal not, you sue not.**

**A/N:**

**OBLIVION**

**Chapter 2**

A week had passed and Harry still didn't feel relaxed. Well it's hard to feel relaxed when you've just been raped and the incident caused a memory charm to be broken making you remember that it had happened once before, but he didn't feel comfortable with his escape.

'Snape won't remember actually listening to me yap for an hour…but hopefully he'll just think that was because he had tuned me out…or that he'd had a headache or something.' Harry looked up from his Charms book and looked around the common room. 'It will never feel the same again. Hell even memories from after second year feel different now. Should I be ashamed for every time I was touched since that afternoon? Should I wish the Dementors had Kissed me in third year so I wouldn't have to feel…this emptiness? And I though it couldn't get any worse after…Sirius.' Harry sighed softly and looked to the couch before the fire where Hermione and Ron were already bickering again. 'They'll get together this year. I can feel it. And when they do I'll be a third wheel. A dirty, used third wheel.' Harry turned away from them, not being able to look at their pure affection, because that was all the bickering was. He turned his gaze out the window and thought some more. Wondering what Dumbledore had in store for him this year. Thinking about the prophecy. What it had in store for his life. Thinking about whether he wanted to live after he defeated Voldemort. Because he did have to defeat him, losing wasn't an option unless he wanted to die and take the wizarding world with him. Voldemort would surely destroy it all eventually. Maybe even afterwards turn to the muggles. Harry losing, was not even thinkable.

"Harry you look…upset. Charms giving you trouble?" Harry blinked, startled before turning from the window.

"What?"

"I said you look upset." Ginny grinned. "What's wrong?"

"Ah…just thinking. About this year. All the things that could probably happen to me…" Harry gave her a small smile. 'I could be found out to be people's dirty little sex toy. I could be killed. I could be put in an institution when I go mad. I could become a killer…oh all the lovely choices.'

"If you think about the year like that no wonder you're looking depressed. Cheer up! Think about Quidditch. That's what I'm thinking about. I'm going to be a Chaser this year." Ginny grinned again happily. "Or think about D.A? All new classes to plan and everything!"

Harry smiled outwardly, inwardly her good cheer was sending him into depression faster. What would all his friends from Quidditch and D.A think of him finding out he'd been raped twice? He was weak! No…no. They never need find out about second year. Only he remembered. Gilderoy was…indisposed. And he wouldn't tell. But suppose Snape…

"…do is think positive and everything will look better I promise." Then Ginny leaned over and gave him a hug. Harry stiffened and tried to resurrect his smile but it came out brittle.

"Thank Ginny. You know what I think I'll do this work tomorrow. I feel tired. Tell Herms and Ron I'm gone okay?"

"If I can pry them away…" Ginny laughed and walked off.

Harry went to the dorm and climbed into his bed shivering under the covers as he spelled his hangings shut.

"Freedom." He put his usual Silencing charm around the bed and let his thoughts run away again.

* * *

Severus Snape was annoyed. This wasn't unusual per say, except he was annoyed with himself. Randomly he'd remember bits and pieces of something, that kept nagging at his mind. And then other times he couldn't remember random things. Like now.

Snape glared at his cauldron of Dreamless Sleep potion. It was missing something…but what? 'I don't forget things. And I never forget things about potions!' Snape vanished the contents of the cauldron with his wand and stormed from his workroom angrily.

'What is wrong with me?' Severus paced his rooms briskly. 'All week. Forgetting things. Having this itch that's telling me there's something I need to remember. Maybe…it's a side effect of that potion I took.' Snape suddenly froze mid stride. He'd created a new potion that made headaches go away and sent the drinker into almost a serene, dreamlike state. He'd made it for himself, needing it what with the nature of his life, and had tested it on himself…why, that night Potter came apologizing for being a nosy urchin.

Something shifted in his mind again and Severus frowned as he suddenly remembered…Harry, looking at him repentantly and stammering out apologies. Yes Potter…and his insincere attempt to ease his guilty conscience. Feeling sorry for his greasy old professor who was tormented as a child. Pity…he didn't need it.

Severus sighed. If this occurrence of forgetting random things kept up he'd find himself in the hospital wing under Pomfrey. But he couldn't understand what this subliminal feeling he was forgetting something had to do with Potter. The two times this week he'd had a Potions class with him Severus had kept feeling strange…emotions. And Merlin, help him if this continued through the whole year, 'Gods it's only just begun and Potter is already making problems for me.' Then green eyes flashed behind his lids in fear before they turned glassy, all expression within them dying. Snape froze again. 'What the hell…' He shook his head urgently. 'Why the hell are all my thoughts on Potter suddenly? Now, back to my problem.' The damn Potter…potion! That seemed to be making him forget things…soft moans, so lovely. Snape blinked. Where had that come from? And these sudden sounds in his head…made him think of reddened lips and wide teary green eyes. Snape growled. 'This is not right. This is not right at all.' Why the hell was he thinking of Potter in any other way besides that of him being a pompous, fame-seeking, overindulged brat? It was something about those eyes, that let anyone see into his soul…something about the boy that drew people like magnets…something about the soft, golden skin that trembled under…Snape frowned again before paling quickly. 'No…Gods no.' He wasn't thinking of Potter…sexually. Of course not! Severus scoffed at himself. 'I'd die first. I'd…I'd declare Potter himself a saint before I wanted the boy!'

'The potion Severus, the potion!' Snape realigned his mind with what was important trying to figure out where his creation has gone wrong. A few ingredients might have been the same as found in a forgetfulness potion but that shouldn't cause that side effect…unless perhaps something else was ingested that it reacted to. He felt everything with it was fine though, it was a relaxant, slight stimulant, to create the trance, and tension reliever. All in all, a new addition to the Hogwarts medicinal cabinets that could benefit many.

It could be a breakthrough too if it were discovered his new creation could help Potter with his scar incidents…'Mother Hepetziba! Do all roads lead back to Potter?' Snape raved disgustedly to himself."Gods he's already the hope of the wizarding world. I don't need him the center of my universe too!" Snape snapped in the quiet of his rooms, staring into his dying fire from his couch.

* * *

A/N: sticks out tongue

J: rolls eyes Please...


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own not, you speak not, I steal not, you sue not.**

**A/N: My muse isn't really working on this…and I'm hesitant to post more on FF, even if I write more, as this was to be a TSS fic…**

**OBLIVION**

**Chapter 3**

"Harry, be careful! That's the third time I've had to stop you from adding the wormwood to the potion too early. If Professor Snape sees…" Hermione hissed urgently to Harry under her breath.

"If Professor Snape sees what? That Mr. Potter is incompetent? I already know that. How he managed to get an Outstanding in Potions I will never know. What havoc were you going to do now Potter?"

"Add…um…wormwood?" Harry forced out holding his body still. He kept his head down, he couldn't look at Snape.

"Yes and…?"

"Err…it's too early to add the wormwood?" Hermione sounded curious and Harry risked looking up, catching sight of Snape's suddenly confused face. "Wormwood is the last thing to add to Dreamless Sleep potions Sir."

"Wormwood…that's what I forgot." Snape turned away from them absentmindedly and went to his desk to make a note. Harry and Hermione stared after him in shock before a quick glare sent them back to work. Hermione was soon over the incident but Harry was panicking inside.

'Snape never forgets anything! Gods I've wiped other parts of his memory clean too!'

Harry watched him closely for the rest of the class and noticed little inconsistencies, which were hidden fairly well. Snape couldn't remember the exact thickness the potion was supposed to be so he came to Hermione's caldron first. He couldn't remember the notes he'd made them write last week so they only had one essay to do for homework but the biggest slip Harry saw by far was when he didn't remove points from Gryffindor for Harry's own ridiculously bad potion. He hoped no one else had noticed.

"Harry…do you think Professor Snape was a bit out of it today?" Hermione pulled his away from the corridor they usually walked back to the common room by for a longer route. Harry cringed slightly, there goes that hope.

"Isn't he always out of it?"

"Harry! Don't act like Ron now. I'm serious! I really think something was wrong with him today."

Harry put on a stubborn look. "Why should we care?" I'd rather we didn't try delving into why our Professor is acting strange, thanks very much Hermione. Why can't everyone just act like nothing's wrong! I'm doing it fine.

"Harry, he might be…sick or something. He seems preoccupied. Forgetting things. He even forgot to take points from Gryffindor for your potion! And it was horrid!"

"Gee…thanks."

"I'm serious Harry." Hermione gave him the 'mothering' look. "Maybe we should tell Professor McGonagall. Or go to Madam Pomfrey and get her to give him a checkup or something."

"Hermione why don't you just leave people's private lives alone!" Harry suddenly snapped. "Maybe the man is going through something! Did you think of that! If you go talking to Madam Pomfrey then it just turns out he's preoccupied with his life or work or something…! You'll make us look like fools!"

Hermione stood gaping at him. Then she straightened her back and glared at him. "Well fine Harry! Forgive me for caring about someone else! What's happened to you Harry? I mean…"

Hermione shook her head and lowered her voice. "I know that you're still…grieving for Sirius…but what happened to the Harry who would care about anyone in trouble? Even if it was Snape?"

"That Harry got someone killed." Harry gave Hermione a glare. "You can go be the hero with Ron this time. I'm not…having anything to do with this." And he walked away.

* * *

'I've never seen Potter cry have I? Then why do I have memories of his eyes filled with tears? Him sobbing. But I can't place where…' Where the hell do these memories come from? There's something wrong with me…and it has something to do with Potter! And maybe my prototype potion too. Potter coming to my chambers…he frowned deeply. Potter saying he'd been apologizing for the past hour while I ignored him…must have been ignoring him…or maybe that's just something else I don't remember!

Severus paced his office apprehensively rubbing his temples, long after classes and missing supper in Great Hall. He needed to figure out what was wrong with him that had him so wrong-footed. Why he was forgetting things. What was it about Potter that made him want to…do something! He didn't know whether he wanted to go break the boy's neck or…comfort him.

'Why would he need comforting? I've seen him in classes and he is doing as could be expected. He's a little withdrawn mostly, downright isolated in mine but that's expected, and slightly aloof from his friends but that too is expected.' Severus could guess what Black had meant to Potter.

'Like a second father.' He almost cringed. Never mind that, that is quite besides the issue at hand. Why do I care about Potter? I have no connection to him. No feelings for him…besides aversion. Well…no, that's not true. He did feel…slightly sorry for him. Slightly. After all, he was a meddlesome brat, impudent and impatient…he sighed. He had felt, displeased, to come back to his office to find Potter rooting through his memories like some gold digging niffler…but he realized later the boy had been sorry…and now he apologized they could bury that incident once and for all hopefully. But the fact he'd been displeased proved he'd expected better of the boy. Which meant of course that he did have feelings for him…did care.

'Honestly.' He settled in the chair behind his desk and worried his lip with his teeth. He looked up suddenly as the fire flared.

"Hello Albus." He said wearily. "I've been waiting for you to come by and offer me a lemon drop." He was so sick of thinking over his Potter problem, he couldn't even infuse the sentence with his usual amount of sarcasm.

"I was worried about you dear boy." Albus swept soot off purple and yellow robes sweeping behind him.

Severus narrowed his eyes watching Albus make himself comfortable in a chair across from his desk.

"And the reason you're here after me? I doubt you're that worried about me skipping meals Albus. I do that whenever I'm working."

"Quite apart from the fact you aren't working right now and still skipping meals," Albus smiled slightly. "Actually…I'm here about Harry."

* * *

A/N: My muse and I have nothing more to say...

J:...Holly just got found out...stares at television

...ahem, well anyway...yeah.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own not, you speak not, I steal not, you sue not.**

**A/N: I dunno wha' you heard about me, but you ain't getting my Smirnoff for free. You can come and sit on my knee…but don't touch my P-I-N-T!**

**OBLIVION**

**Chapter 4**

"Ha-Potter?" Severus shook his head distractedly. "Why are you talking to me? Go bother Lupin!"

"My boy, I'm afraid he can't talk to Remus right now. He's too wrapped up in Sirius' death and blaming himself." Albus leaned forward and looked over his glasses. "You can help him."

"I can…I, can help him?" Severus spluttered indignantly. "What can I do that Lupin can't?"

"Make him feel. Even if it's anger, you can make the poor boy look alive again. He's been so withdrawn…it's been worse recently. I wonder if it's just Sirius' death…"

'He'd wondered that too of course but he wasn't about to mention it.' "Have the other faculty members noticed Potter's despondency? Get McGonagall to talk to him or something!" He waved a hand irritably. "I will not go through what I did…last year with that boy again." Severus shook his head sharply. "Nosy interfering…" _Tearing robes…Potter's petrified face. Pushing him. Potter falling. Wide teary eyes. Him sobbing_. "…Albus?" Severus' face frowned in confusion. "I've…" 'I can't tell him. I can't tell him what I don't know! What in Hades is going on? "I've my own problems I can't deal with Potter's too." 'Considering he's one of my problems.'

"My dear boy. I'm…asking you please, restart the Occulmency classes with Harry. He will certainly listen to you now with what has happened. I know you and Harry have problems but if we are to fight the war against Tom together we must be united. You must work with him to overcome this…conflict."

"I've never hit him have I? That you know of?"

Albus blinked surprised for a moment. "Of course not!"

Severus nodded vaguely. 'Then why do I remember pushing him? It could be just that Albus doesn't know…' "I don't think Potter would want…"

"I will talk to him. He knows Occulmency is vital now. He will take the classes with you."

'Against his will. If I've ever hit him…I don't remember when but I remember doing it…I've hit him. He would hate me. He does, doesn't he? Albus is going to force him into lessons with a man he hates for hitting him _against his will_.' "I've pushed Potter before you know."

Albus smiled benignly. "The Shrieking Shack incident is long forgotten Severus. That is where you meant isn't it?"

"Yes…" 'Is that where it happened?' "I will teach him." 'I must talk to him. This all has to do with Potter I know it. I just don't…remember what happened!'

* * *

"Mr. Potter?" Harry looked up at McGonagall's strict tone from where he'd been wandering aimlessly down the corridor. "The Headmaster would like to see you."

Harry blinked, spine stiffening restrainedly. "Would you happen to know why?" He asked in a polite tone.

"No." Her eyes narrowed behind her spectacles.

"Okay." Harry flashed a faux-bright grin before spinning on his heel and heading back up the corridor for the Headmaster's office.

'Oh Gods. He's noticed! He's noticed Snape's cracking up and…maybe he talked to him! But Snape doesn't remember what happened. But he does know I was there! And if he mentioned that…is that why the Headmaster wants to speak to me?' Harry hesitated in front of the gargoyle before flinching minutely as it jumped aside.

Harry tried to stop his body's slight quivering as the stairs moved upwards with him on them and then stopped before the ornate door with the gryffin knocker. He lifted it and knocked once lightly before pushing the door open.

'Oh please don't let Snape be in here!'

"Harry?" Harry straightened and clenched his fists tightly before stepping forward into the room shutting the door behind himself.

The room looked fixed with all the silver instruments back where they'd been before his rampage last year. The table had been replaced and the décor was absolutely the same. Harry felt a pang of guilt at the destruction he'd caused before it turned to a different focus.

Sirius.

Harry tried to summon up his righteous anger from last year. If Dumbledore questioned him…pushed him too far…he wouldn't hesitate to strike out at the man again.

"Professor." Harry stopped before the desk andspurred himself on internally at his clipped tone.

"Harry have a seat." Harry inclined his head slightly before perching delicately on the chair. He was wound tight as a spring but he hoped Professor Dumbledore would put it down to last year, the last time he'd been here.

"Harry," Professor Dumbledore started, leaning into the table to give his small smile, eyes twinkling. "How are you?"

Harry blinked, off-guard inside. 'How am I? _How am I_?' Harry arched an eyebrow slowly. "I'm fine." He drew out the word questioningly.

"Are you? Are you handling your grief as you should my boy?" Albus' eyes turned somber as he looked over his glasses at Harry.

'This is more like it. Get to the point so I can rip you up and leave.' "Sure I am." Harry kept his words tight and hitched a fake smile on his face.

"You've become withdrawn…"

"I'll get over it." Harry cut in. "I mean, what's one loss in the name of the war right? Of course as long as it isn't me." He laughed bitterly. 'I've already _been_ lost. You can't even save me now.'

"Harry I don't want you to look at Sirius' passing like that." Albus frowned.

"Okay I'll look at it like this then shall I?" He put on a chipper tone. "It's least my fault for not doing my Occlumency lessons properly because I wasn't told why they were so important. It's next most Snape's fault for not sticking it out with me and trying to put aside his problems with a dead man for the greater good. And it's most your fault for lying by omission, causing Sirius' death in the end." Harry blanked his face suddenly. "How's that?"

Albus looked down sadly at the table. "Accurate. But done is done Harry. And now Sirius is dead you must deal with how you feel. Destroying my office did last year for immediate relief but I think you need to…you need help Harry."

'Oh if only you _knew_.' "You aren't omnipotent." 'You don't know _anything_.'

"I never said I was Harry." Dim blue eyes looked into his wearily. "You never did master Occulmency."

Harry's eyes narrowed. "And?"

"And…you should. I've already spoken with Professor Snape…" '_NO!_' "I believe he said you two met on Tuesdays and Thursdays?" '_No…I can't go back in a room with him alone!_' "He's agreed to start back your classes and I promise Harry it will be better than last year. I think what happened…has taught us all how important this is." '_He's not in his right mind! He can't even remember the things most important in his own goddamn life! Suppose he addles my brain?_' "You know the prophecy now Harry. You understand how important it is now. I know you will do your best." '_Suppose he…he rapes me again?_'

"No…" Harry whispered shaking his head violently. "I…I won't do it!"

* * *

A/N: Ouh...I feel good!

J:...Frasier!


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I can show you the world, shining shimmering, splendid…#makes record rewind sound# RE-RE-REEEEMIX! I can show you my cc&, turgid, dripping and bending! Disney songs breakdown!chika chika squuueak**

**OBLIVION**

**Chapter 5**

"Harry?" Albus leaned forward concerned as he shook his head incessantly muttering to himself.

'I won't do it! I won't do it. You can't make me do it! I'm not going anywhere alone with him! I don't want to be any nearer to him than I absolutely have to be!'

"Having classes with the man is bad enough…" Harry rasped out. "I'm not going to be in extra-curricular lessons with him too!"

"Harry." Albus said reproachfully, giving him a disappointed look. "I thought if anything now you would understand the importance of the Occulmency lessons. I know you and Severus don't get along…"

_Grunting. Hips plowing against his. Panting. Wet fingers breaching him. **It** in him! Oh God…good. It shouldn't feel good. It shouldn't…feel…good!_

"…put aside his feelings against doing the classes. And I thought you had learned to put aside your problems with Severus."

"No!" Harry gasped out breathlessly, stiff in the chair and shaking. "I…I never…" 'Okay! Okay! Calm down seriously Harry. Breathe!' "I never said I had forgiven him or anything like that! I've…been steering clear of him. Just trying to…keep neutral." Harry trembled occasionally, breath catching.

"Are you okay Harry?" Dumbledore looked over his glasses at Harry quizzically.

"NO I'M NOT! I don't want to be in classes with him! Don't you understand?" Harry stood suddenly. "And why can't YOU do it this year?"

"The same as last year Harry. More so now than ever. Voldemort has a connection with your mind and after you master Occlumency comes Legilimency and it's too dangerous for me to train you." Albus frowned. "Please sit. I can place a fire call and see if we can't get Severus up here to resolve this."

"No." He said hoarsely. "You…you don't have to call him…up here." The last part came out high-pitched making Harry clear his throat. "Look…Sir, I…have a problem working with him okay? When he gets mad he's a bit…unstable." Harry pleaded with his eyes.

"Harry. I trust Severus implicitly." Albus' tone was firm and he looked at Harry as if through him. "He would never touch a child in this school no matter how much his temper was provoked."

_Those hands pushing him. Disrobing him. Touching his limp member. Touching him all over._

"You've…you've talked to him you said." Harry said quietly sitting. "Does he seem…all there to you?"

Albus sighed and stood walking across the room to his windows, back to Harry. "He's is having his own problems Harry. He isn't the type of man to confide so I don't know what is bothering him. But he has agreed to teach you even with all the problems he is carrying on himself." Albus turned framed in the light of the window. "Why can't you be mature enough to put aside your problems and go to the lessons?"

Harry snorted under his breath. 'I'm too mature if you ask me.' He sighed. "I'll…I'll do it."

* * *

Somehow it was more scary, 'NOT scary, troubling.' to be alone in a room right off with him rather than have a class with him first. Just to break himself into being around the man again without having to ignore him generally.

'Because if he ignored Snape in these private lessons it'd just defeat the purpose wouldn't it? And then Snape would complain to Albus and he'd want to know why Harry was being so difficult and they'd pry and Snape would realize someone had been messing with his head and then they'd find out it had been him and if they fixed it, he'd, they…everyone, would know he'd been raped.'

Harry whimpered as he stepped up to the door of Snape's office. Ready to knock. Ready to go back in an empty room with…

_Mouth sucking on his nipples. Mouth suctioning on his bellybutton. Mouth working on his erection._

Him. Harry swallowed thickly before raising his fist and knocking. The door opened under his hand with a creak and he swallowed again before sticking his head in around the door.

"Hurry up Potter! You've never had a problem sticking your nose in where it wasn't wanted before…" Snape muttered the last part under his breath as he stood from behind his desk pushing away papers. Harry flushed and stepped inside hesitantly.

"Sir," Harry opened his mouth to, protest? Apologize? Retort? He didn't even know himself but it didn't matter.

"I've agreed to do this and go easier on your fragile constitution but that doesn't mean I have to like this. So let us get on with it?" Snape sneered lightly pulling his wand from deep in his robes.

Harry stepped in and took off his robe shakily, placing it over a chair in the room pulling his wand from his jeans with a brisk nod. "Okay."

"Do you remember what I taught you last year?" Asked in a tone that implied it would be amazing if he did.

"Yes I can…" Harry hissed irritably. Blanking his mind was easy now. He just pushed his consciousness away. And it was ever so much easier now he had something he really wanted to hide.

"Legilimens!"

But he still couldn't block the probe. A flush of memories, so fast. Back at the Dursleys. Cooking. Hiding out in his room. Crying for Sirius. Wishing he was and yet thankful he wasn't, back at school. 'Oh God.' And then he was back in second year again.

* * *

_"You look a little bothered Harry. Come with me. I have a little something in my rooms I can give you that'll make you feel a lot better."_

_"But Professor…"_

_"No buts Harry you look like you need it. Besides I don't have any classes to teach right now and I'm sure Professor Dumbledore will understand why I kept you out of class this once. We must…have a chat."_

* * *

"_No_!" Harry cried out hoarsely falling to his knees. He trembled, eyes squeezed shut. 'Not going there. You're not going there!'

"And what was that? More favouritism?" Snape snorted. "Lockhart, insipid dolt, always did like fawning over you."

"No! No!" Harry shook his head hard. "He was just…" 'Narcissist. Obsessed. A _pervert_!' Harry took a deep breath. "I was…hot, he was just getting me a butterbeer."

Snape rolled his eyes. "As I thought. And what would he have wanted to talk to you about? Your shared famousness?"

"He…he was just warning me not to get my head…blown up by all my fame. You know. Ha, ha, too late for me professor huh?" Harry croaked out a laugh.

Snape's lip curled in disgust. "Quite. Get up and let's carry on."

* * *

A/N: Fast update! Don't you love me?


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: That was really bad A/N last chappie...but it was a joke about pRon ppl killing off all the disney songs...they got aladin, little mermaid and beauty and the beast already with many more. I don't think thet have the lion king yet...#hides away 'Can You Feel The Love Tonight'#**

**Disclaimer: Agh...was that my disclaimer last chappie? I don't own anything!**

**OBLIVION**

**Chapter 6**

Albus was sitting at his desk, worrying. Something was wrong with Harry. Most definitely. And he wasn't even sure if it was grief over Sirius' death anymore. There was a difference between grief and defensive withdrawl. And Harry was mostly in the latter.

But then that brought to question. Why was Harry so irrational when it came to Severus? He seemed to become panicked when faced with the possibility that he might have to be in a lesson with him again. Was he still angry about his belief in Snape's blame for Sirius' death? Anger. But it didn't seem like anger. It seemed like…fear. He was afraid of Severus.

Hyperventilating at the idea of being in a room with someone else. That was fear. But Severus would never hurt a student. He himself, did tend to be a bit irrational when it came to Harry but he would never hurt him! There was a chasm between shouting at a student and raising a wand to them and Severus knew if he ever crossed the line to hexing a student there'd be hell to pay. Starting with him. Albus nodded firmly.

Then again. Harry had questioned his stability. When Severus was mad he did…Albus tilted his head thinking of the Shrieking Shack incident.

Look…Sir, I…have a problem working with him okay? When he gets mad he's a bit…unstable.

And then there was his raging temper. Like last year when Harry had looked into Severus' penseive. He'd had to listen to Severus ranting over that and the total waste of the lessons for a week. And lately Severus had seemed rather introspective rather than his usual outspoken brash self. He wondered what problems the boy was facing himself. His eyebrows frowned. And at the fact he and Harry were having these problems at the same time. Maybe it was connected? Had something else happened between them? He shook his head. But no. They spent the summer away from each other. Harry had been tetchy around two weeks into term. Severus was like that as soon as he got back! Rather…uneasy. But Albus had just assumed it was his work. Still assumed that. And Severus did become really involved in his work. Okay so he could see why Harry sometimes thought him unstable. But he wasn't! He was trustworthy. Wasn't he?

Maybe he should talk to Severus.

* * *

"Albus? You wanted to see me?" Severus settled himself into the chair opposite the Headmaster's desk and stared frankly at the man.

"Yes. How have the classes with Harry been going?" Albus peered over his glasses as Severus snorted.

"A waste of time. The boy is as useless as ever! He can clear his mind but now he can't focus! He can't stand up to the attack on his mind at all. And I've told him already he doesn't have to shout, scream or struggle to stop the attack. Simply distract me with a spell…but no! Albus I swear the boy is a waste of time."

Albus widened his eyes. "Does he do all that…when you're teaching him?"

Severus smirked. "No matter how many times I tell him in the dungeons no one can hear you scream.

Albus frowned. "Why don't you…explain it to him again. Without your usual demeanor perhaps?" Albus twinkled slightly. "That might help."

Severus let out a put upon sigh. "It's not as if I have not tried Albus. That's the reason I don't think he can focus. His mind is elsewhere. I've tried…to actually find out on what but that's the one thing he seems to be able to defend." Severus snorted. "It will probably turn out to either be about Black or something even more inane, like Quidditch." Severus sneered.

Albus frowned again. "Somehow I think it's something more Severus. And I believe. It has to do with you."

Severus leaned back suddenly in his chair face incredulous. "Me! W-what could…!"

"I don't know." Albus sighed. "I only think that because of his reaction to the mention of you teaching him when I suggested he restart his Occulmency lessons."

"Suggestion. Right. And his reaction was…?" Severus' eyes narrowed. "If it was distaste I see no cause for worry."

"It was fear Severus. Disgust would be like after the Shrieking Shack incident when he thought you'd gone…unhinged."

Severus frowned and his eyebrows crept together in confusion. "Why did he think I was…unhinged, as you put it?"

Albus smiled obliging. "Because when he and his friends tried to explain what they were doing in the Shrieking Shack with Professor Lupin and Mr. Black you…ah, how they say, flipped out on them." Albus cocked his head at Severus' confusion. "You don't…remember?"

Severus cleared his face. "Of course I do. But what does this have to do with Potter's problem again?"

Albus looked at him inquisitively before shrugging wearily. "I have no idea my boy. He just seems to be afraid of you. And he has never been afraid of you before Severus. Did…did something happen?"

_Desperate open-mouthed kisses over golden skin. Almost pleasure/pain at constrictive tightness. Holding…thrusting…_

"Severus?" He blinked suddenly to find Albus staring at him in askance.

"No…no time that…comes to memory." 'No time I can remember.'

* * *

Albus steepled his fingers together thinking. Yes he knew there was definitely something up with the both of them now. Harry was going through an _'irrational?'_ fear of Severus and Severus was going through...memory loss.

What if Harry's fear wasn't irrational though? That last question had given Severus pause. Maybe he wasn't sure himself. He'd have to get the boy to go to Madam Pompfrey about something soon, on that note. But what if he had done something to Harry and couldn't remember?

'Well Harry isn't going to tell.' So Severus would _have_ to remember.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter...what are we all waiting for...


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I no own, I no infringe, you no tell, I no get sued.**

**A/N: You guys know you love me!**

**OBLIVION**

**Chapter 7**

'It was at times like this he wished he wasn't a teacher.' He'd had double Potions with Potter this afternoon. The same Potter he'd have to be looking at tonight for two hours in extra lessons he didn't want to be teaching. The same worthless Potter that couldn't even pay attention to save his bloody _time_. He swore to himself if the boy didn't shape up he'd kick him out of Occulmency again and Albus would have no choice but to teach him. He knew the old man was just scheming somehow making him teach this to Potter again. 'Maybe he thinks we'll make up and be all happy together.' He sneered mentally. He couldn't be _friends_ with someone like Potter. Okay even if he wasn't really spoiled, Severus paused remembering last year's peeks into his head, he was still hard headed and a risk-taking Gryffindor, he nodded firmly. The events of last year's end at the Ministry proved. He might have been toned down with his grief over his godfather but he still at core was what he was. He'd get over the passing and he'd return to being the insufferable brat. He was still the hero of the wizarding world. The-Boy-Who-Lived.

Harry Potter.

Also all he'd been thinking about since his talk with Albus yesterday. Especially after what he had remembered. 'No! What I think I remember! That would have never happened. If I'd had sex with Potter I'd have been sacked! Though no one would know with us both hiding it. And if I'd…hurt him, raped him, I'd be in Azkaban because Potter would have told! So no. It was not a memory. At least not of a real event. Maybe it was a dream?' Perhaps.

He'd never lusted after students, male or female but he could admit that Potter was…attractive, in a way. But he'd never wanted him! So why…have dreams about him? And he didn't believe in Trelawney's 'toilet deposit' about the subconscious telling you about matters in your life. Maybe it wasn't a memory or even a memory of a dream. Maybe that was just a part of…a daydream itself! Maybe that was him now lusting after Potter! But he'd have to stop of course! Oh, he can't be going after his students, no. Sacking! Azkaban! And besides couldn't he at least pick someone better! The boy was atrocious at Potions…

* * *

Harry sighed, raising his hand to knock on the office door. 'Having a class with the man before having to come here was supposed to help! Not make him feel even jumpier!' He'd been staring at Harry all day. Not the usual glare-stare or sneer-stare either but a blank, searching stare. It'd had him practicing his mind clearing and getting ready to try to block a mental attack. 'Had he remembered something else? Maybe forgotten something else.' Harry nibbled his lip fist falling again. He frowned at the door. Maybe he should try to Obliviate him again? No! He'd done enough damage the first time. Should he try…questioning the man? See if he remember the blank night in his memories. Or if he had remembered something? Or if… 

The door was yanked open suddenly Harry's face vacant in shock.

"Potter! Are you going to come in or stand out there all night wasting more of my time?"

Harry jumped before he clenched his fists and forcibly stopped himself chewing his lip. "Sorry sir." He shivered as he stepped in the door next to the obviously irritated man and pulled out his wand as he sidled up next to the table.

"Listen here Potter okay? I'm irritated enough today." Harry quivered under the glare leveled on him. 'Oh no maybe he was…_disturbed_ again?' "You will concentrate. You will listen to what I say." Snape lowered his voice. "And you will do it. Don't you dare daydream in my lessons today."

'Oh no. No, no, no.' He was still quivering in place in shock. 'He's angry again! He's drawn his wand! He's pointing it at me! Oh Merlin, close, he's too close!'

"Legilimens!"

Harry talking to Ginny at the beginning of the term that day he'd been thinking himself into a depression. As Ginny hugged him the memory slipped away. Harry wrapped in his invisibility cloak stalking towards Snape's chambers. Raising his hand, knocking…Harry cheered internally as that memory slipped away. That turned to fear. Could feel Snape's anger as he dug deeper. Harry, twelve, sniffing the little bottle Gilderoy had given him. He whimpered and pushed the memory away. No! Not that either!

Harry came to himself, gasping for air kneeling on the hard floor. Snape was leaning on his desk clutching his chest as he gasped for air. Snape ground out a 'Finite Incantatum' and suddenly there was air in the room again.

"You stupid…foolish boy!" He drew in a deep breath and came to stand before Harry looking down with a dark face. "Were you trying to kill us both?"

"No! No…I'm sorry, I'm…" Harry's face crumpled as he tried to catch his breath.

"Tell me what you're trying to hide! Tell me or I'll find out for myself!"

Harry swallowed heavily and shook his head firmly tears welling. "Please…"

"What is it Potter? Come on tell me? Hiding something with your little girlfriend in it? Something stupid and inane like that?"

Harry's eyes widened as he stared at the wand suddenly pointing between his eyes where he was kneeling. "No…please…" He whispered.

* * *

"Legilimens!" 

Harry, twelve again, looking at Lockhart nervously and telling him he had to leave. Lockhart dropping onto the couch that had probably been in his chambers and unclasping his robes…

"_Come here Harry_."

And suddenly he wasn't there anymore. He was in his own chambers with him…he was, _clawing_, Potter's robes off, pushing him onto his own couch, holding his wand on him. He was straddling him naked, they were both naked, he was rutting off on him. Potter lying, flushed and trembling on his couch, him kneeled next to it, sucking…flipping him over, preparing him…pushing himself into the sweaty, clammy skinned body…kissing Potter's back, praising him…

_Placing desperate open-mouthed kisses over golden skin. Almost pleasure-pain at the constrictive tightness. Holding…thrusting…'so good, Harry! Gods…Harry!' More wet kisses over the golden back._

All consuming pleasure as he came, Harry's body taunt as he held them both up against the strength of his last thrust.

He withdrew from Potter's mind dragging in a harsh breath as he stumbled backwards.

'_No_. He'd…_he didn't_! Why? He wouldn't just…_never_! He'd never…'

_"I raped you?"

* * *

_

A/N2: I bet you're going to be badgering me for the next chapter now?#sighs#It's so hard being talented...#grins# 


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I no own, I no infringe, you no tell, I no get sued.**

**A/N: Hehehe. I wrote this all on the…ohh, 21st. But you probably won't see it until Monday the…23rd? Blame the person who left me a review saying they wouldn't be back to read until then! #cackles evilly# After all I have to give them time to leave a review for the last chapter right!**

**OBLIVION**

**Chapter 8**

Severus was backing away slowly from the boy curled in on himself and shaking on the floor. He couldn't believe he'd…but Potter! He was a wreck. And he couldn't believe the boy would be having dreams like that about him! But he would never, ever have sex with much less rape a student!

"Potter!"

The boy wrapped his arms around his body tighter and shook with his sobs. 'Zeus! Tell me this is a dream! A horrible, horrible dream!' He held his body stiff before taking a tentative step forward and froze as soon as Potter started hyperventilating and tried to scramble backwards.

"Potter…calm down. Come on!" He took a deep breath and lowered his voice. "Potter…"

"No…"

Severus frowned at the quiet whisper. "No what?"

"You…" Potter looked up eyes teary and shook his head. "You didn't rape me. Honestly. I…I snuck into your chambers and you were…busy. I had no right to come poking around…I meant to apologize for last year, I really did but you…had a potion's vial in your hand that you'd obviously taken as you seemed more…" Harry gasped in a deep breath. "_Relaxed_."

Black eyebrows furrowed together as he tried to remember. The new potion he'd been working on. Yes he remembered that. It was that same night Potter had been here…_claiming he'd been apologizing for an hour._

"I raped you…" He said quietly.

Potter hurried to stand shakily. "No! I told you I came to you…I-I…asked for it! I shouldn't have bothered you and…you were busy with your potion…I…you seemed intoxicated…and I, I took advantage." Potter shuddered before clasping his hands together nervously in front of himself. "I'm so sorry Professor. Please! You can't…can't tell anyone."

Severus stepped forward slowly and smiled grimly as Potter took an automatic step backwards. "If we had sex then why are you afraid of me?"

Potter looked around nervously before swiping his hands over his face. "Really…I'm not…scared. Exactly. I mean we did have…sex," he swallowed heavily. "But…you were kind of…forceful. Not," He laughed awkwardly. "That you forced me. I mean you were kind of…enthusiastic."

Severus stared at the boy pointedly and his frown deepened as Potter looked away.

"I would never have sex with a student."

"You were kind of…under the influence of a potion, as I mentioned before Sir." Potter looked up defiantly and took a step forward. "I'm not afraid of you."

"Why are you so afraid I'll tell someone? If it's true I had sex with you I'd want it hidden as much as you right?"

"But…I," he swallowed again and seemed to struggle before taking another step forward until they were closer. "Look. I'm the Boy-Who-Lived. The wizarding world looks up to me whether I like it or not. How would they feel to know their savior took advantage of one of his teachers? I'm…not arrogant or anything like that but think of how disappointed they would be in me! The shame…the fallout." Harry tried for a watery smile. "I have to think in terms of what's better for them. It's best they don't know. Never know…"

Severus stiffened cautiously and as Potter suddenly raised his wand muttered 'Expelliarmus' stalking forward as Potter flew backwards and into the wall. He picked up the fallen wand on his way over and sneered down at the boy.

"And I assume there's a reason I don't remember."

Green eyes looked up dully. "Couldn't let you remember. You'd tell." He pushed himself up the wall slowly. "I don't want anyone to know. And I don't think you'd want anyone to know either. A child taking advantage of you. Think of all the publicity. Your job could…possibly be on the line." Potter stepped forward suddenly putting them chest to chest. "Tell me how to remove the Obliviate and I will. I don't want anyone to know and you don't either." He lowered his voice. "I won't tell if you won't…Severus."

Severus recoiled and took a quick step backwards. "Fine. Don't trouble yourself with removing the Obliviate."

Potter took a hesitant step forward before turning the watery smile back on him again. "Uh…I'm glad. And…" He took a deep breath. "We both…enjoyed it. If you ever…change your mind…"

Severus flushed suddenly eyes widening. "Get out Potter!"

He'd hardly got the last syllable out before Potter was against him, pressing a wet, desperate and unbelievably awkward kiss on his open lips. He pulled away suddenly, wide-eyed and scared before running to the door and yanking it open to flee.

* * *

Potter was lying of course. Did he actually think he'd believe that bull? Last time he checked he wasn't Lockhart.

"Come here Harry."

Lockhart. He'd been in the memory too. Why would he come up of all things? Severus frowned. Harry had been twelve in that memory…just like he'd been in the one with him sniffing that bottle! Did Lockhart do something to him? Is that why he remembered him along with…'His rape by me.'

Did the boy honestly believe he'd asked for it? Or was that just a part of the spiel to make me believe what he'd said. Just like that blatant attempt at seduction before he'd left. Probably to try to distract him from thinking through the situation.

Severus sank into his chair behind his desk slowly. He had two choices. Keep up the pretence with Potter or turn himself in.

It was obvious which he'd do. He had his integrity to think about, his job, what people thought of him.

Severus snorted to himself. 'Like I've ever cared what people thought about me. And I'd have no integrity to myself if I kept this secret. If I lose my job so be it.' He'd have to go to Poppy tomorrow of course. She could remove the shoddy Obliviate without need for a St. Mungo's healer. And get Albus there too. He'd tell them both together. But he'd need them to keep it secret for a few days. He'd talk to Potter again. Maybe, under the pretense of keeping the act up with him he could get him to tell the truth about what happened.

And he could find out what Lockhart did.

* * *

A/N: Mmmm...good?LOL. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I no own, I no infringe, you no tell, I no get sued.**

**A/N: My integrity as an author has been attacked…my talent questioned…my self let down. But I will not lie down…I will answer with the quality of my stories….and I will lift myself up with my determination to prove.**

**OBLIVION**

**Chapter 9**

Harry burst into the common room gasping for breath and ignoring the curious looks he was getting ran up to the dormitory to hide himself in his bed. He wrenched open the door and took three hurried steps in before he froze realizing Ron and Hermione were together on Ron's bed, looking embarrassed.

"Oh. Sorry." Harry rasped out taking a step back. "I'll…just go…"

Ron was red-faced and nodding behind Hermione's head, mouthing 'thanks mate.' But Hermione was staring at him eyes narrowed.

"Harry, are you okay?" Hermione pushed off the bed and started towards him but Harry held his hand out and took another step back.

"I'm fine. Honestly. I just…didn't mean to barge in." Harry forced out a laugh and a tried to smile. "Snoggius interruptus. That's me."

Hermione frowned. "You've been crying."

Harry blinked shocked, before swiping his hands over his cheeks. "Oh…no, umm, I haven't. I was…flying. You know, wind in the eyes and dust and all that."

Ron arched an eyebrow and looked over to Harry's bed at his trunk. On which his Firebolt was resting.

Harry flushed. "I went on a school broom. Practicing moves, so it had to be slow…you know."

Hermione looked suspicious. "Harry,"

"'Mione. Seriously, he doesn't want to talk about it." Ron said behind her quietly. "Though Harry if you have a problem you should know you can talk to us…instead of taking it out on us."

Harry looked at the floor guiltily. "About that Hermione. I'm sorry…about yelling at you. I, just…don't want to think about Sirius and…making mistakes again…" He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.

Hermione looked sad as she stepped forward and wrapped him in a hug, feeling a wave of sympathy as he stiffened. "It's okay to need help Harry. We're your friends and you should talk to us."

"There are some things…" Harry swallowed heavily over Hermione's shoulder. "I just can't…talk about. Right now. I'll…maybe one day I can tell you...but I just, _can't_…" His body went lax against Hermione as he sobbed and choked it back. "I can't tell…you'll…hate me."

Hermione pulled away holding on to him. "Is this about Sirius? Or something else?"

Harry pulled away and opened his mouth but Ron interrupted. "We are your friends. We will always be your friends. I doubt you did anything that could make us hate you. But you'll tell us when you're ready won't you?"

Harry gave Ron a half-smile and wiped under his glasses. "Yeah. Thanks. I…can I stay here?"

Ron nodded. "Sure. We're gone. Aren't we Hermione?" He headed to the door and looked back. Hermione frowned at Harry again before hugging him lightly again.

"I never have and I never will turn my back on you Harry." She whispered into his ear before pulling away and heading over to Ron.

Harry waited until they were gone before sighing and getting into his bed, shutting the hangings around him.

'They are too good to be my friends. God, what was I thinking! I should have fought harder against Professor Dumbledore! Snape knows! Snape knows! Oh Gods, he knows!' Harry started shaking and wrapped his arms around himself. 'Did he believe me?' He bit his lip ignoring the occasional tear running away from him. 'Should I try going back to…push the story again? I really don't want to. I really don't want to be near him at all.' Harry laid back burrowing his head against his pillow. He'd do whatever he had to though. 'Just as long as he doesn't tell.'

* * *

Severus was sitting on one of the beds in the hospital wing waiting. When he had come in he'd asked Madam Pomfrey to fetch Albus before she did anything. She'd looked irritated with the order but he always irritated her anyway when he was here so… 

Albus and Madam Pomfrey stepped out of her office in the deepest part of the hospital wing, her ready and impatient with her wand, Albus looking at him inquisitively.

"Is something wrong Severus?"

He fought the urge to scowl and struggled to keep his face impassive, emotions raging inside. 'No, everything's fine. I like subjecting myself to Pomfrey for her amusement. You miserable, interferring…why couldn't you stop him from coming to me! You're supposed to be all-knowing…I'm going to be fired…Azkaban could become very real…the Mark…I'll be Kissed.' It all hit him suddenly and the other occupants of the room turned worried as his colour paled more.

"What…I am about to tell you," Severus swallowed and continued firmly. "Is very sensitive information." He looked to Albus before looking at the Infirmary doors. Albus nodded before waving his wand and whispering and Severus sighed as wards rippled around the room.

"You both know I've been working on a new potion." Albus and Poppy nodded. "A relaxant, tension reliever and a dash of hallucinogen for the calming trance. I do not quite know where it went wrong but I have an idea some of the…ingredients I used reacted with others in," Severus was almost whispering now. "Unexpected ways."

Albus' eyebrows rose slightly. "Severus."

He sighed. "Somehow it has a side effect of being a…de-inhibitor. So you become relaxed, calm, pain-free and high, without inhibitions. Emotions, urges, feelings….rampant."

"Oh dear…" Madam Pomfrey frowned. "That would be too uncontrollable." Severus nodded reluctantly.

"You have been working on fixing it though haven't you?" Albus injected with a smile.

"No…I haven't." He said softly and looked up to find both Albus and Pomfrey staring holes into him. "Don't have a stroke on my account if you please. I won't abandon the potion…that is, if after I'm done speaking you don't wish to turn me out on my rear."

"Well continue dear boy." A tinge of worry coloured Albus' voice.

Severus swallowed heavily again, fighting nausea as he realized he might lose the only support he'd ever had. "I had tested the potion on myself, thinking it to be finished and correct." He kept talking over Poppy's gasp. "A…a student made their way to my chambers while I was, under the influence of the drug." He took a deep breath and hurried on. "I would have told you as soon as I was myself again except the student was ashamed that what had transpired would get out. He Obliviated me…after I raped him."

Madam Pomfrey gasped again and took a step back as Albus stiffened, power ebbing from him.

"Who…"

"H-harry…Potter."

* * *

A/N: **Apply for the position of beta reader here:**

Requirements:

1 You must have Yahoo mail and Messenger and be able to send and receive files though Messenger.

2 You must be reliable. If you say you can read a document in an hour I expect it read in an hour and back to me beta'd correctly within said hour.

3 You must be english LITERATE. That means youmustbe able to read, write and I hope, speak correct english.And just because you speak it doesn't mean you can read and write it for some people.

4 You must be able to stand me. But we'll deal with this after initial application.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** I no own you no sue. Simple.

**Oblivion **

Chapter 10

"No." Albus said quietly. Poppy looked from his stiff figure to Severus and back again.

"I am sorry. I was…I was not myself. But I make no excuses for what I have done and if you see fit," Severus paused to calm himself breaking the stream of words. "If you see fit to remove me from my position I will go."

"I must have misunderstood you. You…raped Harry?" Albus shook his head. "Nonsense. What makes you think you…did such a thing! You wouldn't."

"I broke into his mind. We were doing," He looked to Poppy. "The extra lessons you requested and I, was not in a good mood. My memory had become choppy and I was frustrated at a block I felt but couldn't figure what from and I just knew it had to do with Potter. So I performed Legilimency on him and dug up…his memories."

"How…how do you know they were real memories? Nightmares…you and he don't get along. For all you know it was a daydream. Stop this foolishness at once." Albus turned away.

Severus turned his attention to Poppy. "I believe Potter used Obliviate on me. It was a shoddily done piece of work, which you could probably break as pieces of the memory were leaking back to me. Then we will know."

Madam Pomfrey started towards him hesitantly. "Severus you don't really think you…"

"Potter's behaviour this evening merely compounds what I suspect. As we speak he is probably tossing and turning in his bed hoping I'm not telling." Severus sneered weakly. "He even tried to manipulate me into not telling when I saw his memory and he realized his charm was faulty."

She pursed her lips stubbornly and waved her wand over him doing a diagnostic. He watched her face and saw the exact point her denial turned to disbelief.

"There's…an Obliviate on you..."

Severus heard as Albus turned his attention back to them but couldn't look. "I wish you to remove it. I'd at least like to…remember my side of what I did."

He kept his attention solely on Poppy as she did her work and shut his eyes as she removed the charm. The evening came back to him in a vivid rush that made him pale.

"At least I didn't hurt him." He whispered to himself. Severus opened his eyes and finally looked to Albus. "My shields are down. You can look for yourself."

Albus' eyes locked with his and he opened willingly to the search. He progressed through the memory slowly and it was with a flush of shame Severus felt his body responding to the images. By the time Albus withdrew, his neck was red and he could no longer bear to look the man in the face.

"I…I am, truly, sorry." He looked to the floor rebuilding his mental walls. He could feel the penetrating blue gaze on him but refused to meet it.

"It is late." Albus' voice was cold. "I will speak with you and Harry tomorrow."

Severus removed himself from the bed and left the infirmary, the disappointment, betrayal and disgust in the voice of the person he'd always counted on following him.

* * *

Harry wrung his hands nervously as he rode the griffin staircase up to Professor Dumbledore's office. He didn't know why he'd been called here but Professor McGonagall had told him the Headmaster wanted to speak to him.

'Professor Snape didn't tell. He couldn't have or he wouldn't have been at breakfast this morning and the whole school would be buzzing, what with the school governors and Ministry having heard and it getting to the Prophet and all...' Harry sighed in relief. So it wasn't that. So why did the Headmaster want to see him? Maybe about Sirius? Or to check up on how the lesson were going.

Harry stepped off the stairs and knocked on the door to Dumbledore's office lightly.

"Come on."

Harry pushed open the door and stuck his head in, worried again. Professor Dumbledore sounded…serious. He looked it too. Harry fidgeted under the gaze and sat himself in the chair across from him. The blue eyes were not twinkling and if anything he looked sorrowful.

"Err, is everything okay professor?"

"Yes Harry." Albus gave him a small sad smile. "One more person is coming to this meeting. He should be here in a few so please relax. Would you like tea? Or a lemon drop?"

Harry let out a small laugh. "No thank you." Inside he was pondering. No. Snape would not tell! He'd be fired. An outcast! He didn't need that in his life with how much he was disliked already. So he cast his gaze around the room taking in the cupboard with Dumbledore's penseive and the sword of Gryffindor among other trinkets with the Sorting Hat atop it, unmindful of when the last guest entered.

Suddenly Albus conjured a chair next to his startling Harry who jumped, and faced him.

"Headmaster," A composed, reserved voice greeted Professor Dumbledore before Severus Snape sat himself down next to him.  
Harry gaped openmouthed. "W-what's he doing here!"

"Mr. Potter, no matter how…persuasive your arguments were last night, I have a duty to this school as a teacher and an adult with morals to," Snape paused. "Inform the Headmaster of transgressions. Whether someone else's or my own." He finished quietly looking at Harry with shuttered eyes.

Harry blinked in shock before turning to Professor Dumbeldore. "What did he tell you? Did he say that he…raped me? Because he didn't! He doesn't understand! He…I asked, I went to him, I…I wanted it!"

Professor Dumbledore frowned. "Severus said that he was under the influence of a potion."

"Yes! But I came to him and I-I…enjoyed it." Harry flushed. "He didn't rape me! We had sex."

"Mr. Potter I would never…"

Albus raised a hand cutting Severus off. "Student teacher relationships are not allowed before the age of consent. And you are not seventeen Mister Potter. Beside that, Severus had the Obliviate you placed on him removed by Madam Pomfrey." Harry paled drastically. "He remembers what happens and I…I myself viewed his memory. You were attacked," Albus shot a look at Professor Snape. "Even if you were not physically harmed, and forced to engage in activity of a sexual nature with your Professor. Even if you think you enjoyed it because of…your bodily response it is not right and we will deal with this." Albus leaned forward over his desk to Harry who was shaking his head as his eyes teared up. "But please, tell me why you deny what happened? Why didn't you tell someone? What did you feel the need to hide?"

* * *

AN: I can't stand idiots...I believe they should be shot, quatered and feed to vultures. Unfortunately I live with one, don't have a gun, can't find info on that old-time torture and the only place to find vultures is in Australia or Africa or someplace like that. WhereI am not.


	11. Chapter 11

_Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, its characters and settings are the copyrighted works of J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., her publishing companies and affiliates. No profit was acquired from the writing of this story nor was any malice intended in any way, shape or form to the author or the actors/actresses who so brilliantly have brought them to life. Though I wouldn't mind shagging some_. **I did NOT say that.**

**AN: Stole Incubus' disclaimer!**

**Oblivion **

Chapter 11

"I…I, didn't…Snape…Sir?" Harry choked. "It's not his fault! It's not like he maliciously set out to…do…anything to me! I just…He's going to get fired and exiled and maybe even jailed for…for something he…he didn't even mean to do, when…when…" He gasped in a breath. "When others…get away with it." Harry finished in a whisper. "It's not his fault. He didn't hurt me! It's not his fault! And it's not my fault! And…I just…want this _over_!" Harry jumped up and ran for the door fleeing the professor standing up and the Headmaster calling after him.

Albus was about to get up to go after him when Severus moved in front of his desk.

"Headmaster," He kept firm under the cold blue gaze. " I believe Mr. Potter needs some time to collect himself. Perhaps it'd be best if we left him alone for now."

"Do you think I can keep this covered up _Professor Snape_? It must be clearly defined with me so that I can take action!"

"Albus," Severus' voice turned beseeching. "Can't you tell Potter is hiding something else? I told you what happened ready to face the consequences and I still am, I am not trying to stall for time or sweep this under the rug, but I believe Potter has other problems that must be dealt with first before we can…," He swallowed. "Move on in the matter at hand."

"Then what do you know about it Severus if you are so sure?" Albus asked sharply to which Severus cringed.

"I've never hidden anything from you Albus. I wish you hadn't…lost your trust in me."

"How could I not. Look what you've done!"

"I'm sorry." Severus said quietly. "It does not begin to help but…I am." He cleared his throat and continued. "I believe it has to do with Gilderoy Lockhart. And with his current condition we cannot exactly ask him can we? But Potter knows. And he is hiding something about him. I suspect…"

"What?"

"From what Potter said before he left…When I was digging in Potter's memory before I found anything that was connected with what happened that night between…he and I, I kept coming over memories of Lockhart from the boy's second year."

"Meaning?" Albus asked tersely.

"I suspect he may have issues before this…rape." Severus flinched as he quietly said the word. "Like another one."

"No. I refuse…to believe this happened twice in my school. Under my nose! No."

Severus shook his head regretfully. "I think something happened Albus. Maybe it's not what I think but Potter…"

"You are not telling me I've been trying to protect these students all my life and they've been being hurt! By people I put here! Not…not like that…"

"Albus…you couldn't have known. It's not…" Severus reached out.

He raised his hand and stared at him coldly. "No."

"I really think you should get someone to help Potter…"

"Mr. Snape I'd appreciate you not telling me how to run my school!" Albus bristled. "At this point, Harry needs protecting. You will be dismissed, for some reason I can concoct and you will leave when I say."

"But I can't…before I go I must help…try to fix what harm I've done to him. I can't just…"

"I don't want you in this school. You are dangerous if you experiment with your inventions around children!"

"Then leave I will! But not before I help Mr. Potter!"

* * *

Harry rushed to his dorm, uncharacteristically pushing people out of his way as he barreled through the halls and up flights to the Gryffindor rooms, hiding his face as much as he could and muffling his gasping breaths. 

He burstthrough the portraitand ignoring gasps of surprise and a few cries of 'Harry!' scurried up to his room and hid in his bed behind the hangings which he spelled shut.

A few minutes later footsteps came up to the bed and stopped.

"Mate?"

"Lem'me 'lone Ron." Harry muttered out hoarsely rubbing his hands over his face.

"Harry open the curtains." Hermione's voice filtered in.

"Leave! Me! Alone! I don't want to talk about it!"

He heard a sigh and then muttering and his hangings were suddenly flying open. Harry gaped up at Hermione, wand in hand, before flopping back onto the bed.

"You just couldn't leave me alone."

"You don't have to be alone Harry." Hermione sat down on the bed lightly, Ron looking down worriedly on her and Harry. "What happened?"

"McGonagall called you away..."

Harry sniffled and turned his face into his pillow. "To go speak to the Headmaster." He said muffled.

"About?" Hermione asked quietly and gestured Ron to sit. Harry remained quiet for a few minutes before he turned over, eyes red.

"You're going to find out eventually. I expect…everyone will. I…" Harry opened his mouth but the words stuck in his throat.

Hermione moved forward and made to hug him but Harry shied away. "You won't want to do that after you hear what I have to say."

"Harry we told you we'd always be your friends." Ron said exasperatedly.

"What if I had killed someone!" Harry sat up, suddenly angry. "Would you still be my friend then?"

"But…but you haven't…" Hermione said hesitantly.

"Would you still be my friend if I did?" Harry said more quietly, eyes welling again.

"I'd want to know what happened first." Ron said calmly.

"I…I haven't killed anyone. Yet." Harry took a deep breath. "Dumbledore knows the Prophecy. The copy broke at the Ministry but he's the one it was told to originally. I have to kill Voldemort." Ron bit his lip with a slight cringe.

"Harry!" Hermione laughed lightly. "Is that it?"

Harry frowned confusedly. "_Is that it_! I have to _kill_ someone!"

"But it's He-V-voldemort mate." Ron said softly. "With all he's done he deserves nothing less. Besides isn't that what the whole wizarding world expects you to do already?"

Hermione took Harry hands firmly, ignoring his flinch. "We would never hate you for saving us."

Harry bit his lip worriedly. "Okay. What if…what if I wasn't who you think I am?" He turned to look at Ron pulling his hands from Hermione. "What if the whole wizarding world expects me to save them when I can't save myself…"

Ron and Hermione shot looks at each other. "If this has to do with…last year, no one thinks that was your fault but you Harry. It was a trick and you couldn't have known. So don't…"

Harry shook his head violently. "It's not about that! That's…barely part of it! I mean, I'm the hope of the Light! I'm supposed to keep the wizarding world safe. Defend them. When I can't even defend MYSELF!" Harry finished in a scream.

Hermione's eyes started to tear. "I don't understand…"

Ron looped an arm around Hermione easily. "Look Harry, I don't know what brought this on but we're all learning mate. If you just don't think you're ready well…honestly no one thinks they are ready for this war. But we're learning everyday. We still have time. And we'll use it."

"It's too late for me." Harry whispered hoarsely.

"What are you talking about Harry?"

"I couldn't stop it. I…didn't want it." Harry started to cry again and covered his face, speaking muffled through his hands. "I didn't want it but I couldn't stop it and I was raped! If I cant defend myself how can I save you all?" He told a shocked Ron and Hermione.

* * *

AN: GAUSP! He told!

Okay all. I was supposed to update Runespoor at least yesterday yes...butI got angry at my comp. SeeI had a sudden inspiration to update Tricks, right, so I got to writing. Had half of it done and then my comp started having problems soI SAVED...rebooted...and whenI got back...it was all gone. I got mad and ranted to Becca...LOL. And was going to let my comp win by not writing anymore for the month. But thenI realized if I didn't write I'd be admitting I let my comp whop me like a dog. So, here's your update. LOL. And I went back and wrote Tricks over. It's not as good as the original to me, the first go is always my best, but...

And really! Only eight people still have it on alert? I thought this site LOVED HP/DM! You people are bloody Drarry fanatics! Get me back on alert NOW!


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I no own, I no infringe, you no tell, I no get sued.**

**A/N: HEEEEEY HOOOOO! YAYYYYY NOOOOOO! I'M LOVING THIS HITS THING! Can't catch me Beccaaa!**

**OBLIVION**

**Chapter 12**

Harry looked up at Hermione and Ron's shocked gasp and laughed, choked, wiping his eyes under his glasses.

"See! You're…really…really shocked…never thought it could happen to ME huh?" He laughed hysterically.

"Bloody hell…" Ron whispered quietly.

"Harry! Oh my God, Harry! When? What happened?" Hermione moved further onto the bed, starting to cry as Harry flinched away from her.

"It doesn't matter! It doesn't! It just proves what I said…I can't save you! I can't save anybody! I can't even save myself!" Harry cried hoarsely.

"Harry it does matter. Who…who did it? You…you have to tell someone…Professor Dumbledore! He…"

"Knows." Harry said quietly with a hiccup. "I just came from him 'member?"

Ron stood suddenly. "He knows you were raped? He knows who did it? It wasn't…a Slytherin was it?"

"I…I'd rather not talk about it. I wasn't hurt! H-They…didn't hurt me. I kept trying to tell Professor Dumbledore that! It wasn't their fault. H…HE," Harry sniffed and wiped his nose in the pause. "Didn't mean to do it, he was under the influence of a potion. It happened a couple of weeks ago. If I'd been hurt I'd have gone to Madam Pomfrey! If not for the fact I wasn't…exactly ready then and he hadn't been drugged up, it would have been sort of nice." He finished softly.

Ron absorbed that quietly while Hermione looked at him sadly, tears running down her face. "Harry it's not your fault! I hope you don't think it's your fault. And you don't have to make excuses for whoever it is! What they did was wrong…"

"He'll be punished for a terrible mistake. I know…r-rape, is…bad." Harry picked at his bed sheet. "But it was a mistake and he's sorry. But he's going to be punished…horribly, when other people do worse and get away with it."

"Harry. It doesn't matter whether it was a mistake or not! They should be punished! They raped you!" Ron's face was turning red.

Harry swallowed the shout that had bubbled up in his throat, paling. 'I won't tell them about him too.' "It's just not fair."

"Harry you've got to be kidding! Next you'll say you feel for the guy!" Ron blew up, throwing his arms in the air. Harry looked at him reproachfully.

"Ron, his life is about to become next to trash when the whole wizarding world finds out what he did to the great Harry Potter. You do realize…he might be put in Azakaban or Kissed." Harry replied forcefully.

"Harry it probably won't be that bad. He'll just be expelled and have to pay a fine or something if he's not a Seventh year. A Seventh year would be considered adult and he might go to Azkaban but he won't be Kissed. With a child younger than that, at worst his parents will have to home-school him and pay some huge fine to 'reimburse your pain'. That's about it. So you shouldn't have to feel for him." Hermione assured him softly.

"Who is he Harry?" Ron asked dangerously.

"I can't tell you." Harry looked away from them and out through the window.

"Harry, you can't protect this person! You told Professor Dumbledore who did it right?" Hermione pleaded.

"Don't mind Hermione we'll find out tomorrow. Whoever is missing at breakfast. It can't be a First or Second year. I think we can count out Third too. So it's either a Fourth Fifth Sixth or Seventh year male. We'll find out."

Harry made a soft sound. "Go ahead and play detective. Don't care about what I want."

Ron blew. "That is it Harry." He dragged him off the bed by his robes staring into Harry's shocked eyes. "We are trying to do what's best FOR YOU! We are your FRIENDS! We want to PROTECT you! And you aren't bloody helping us!"

"HE'LL BE TOSSED IN AZKABAN! HE'LL BE KISSED! He doesn't deserve that! Lock…" Harry swallowed convulsively.

"What Harry! What!" Ron shook him gently.

"T-to be locked…up." Harry finished quietly looking away from Ron's eyes. "Put me down please."

Hermione frowned up at Ron who put Harry down the few inches he'd been off the ground. "Why do you think he'll be tossed in Azkaban Harry? Is he seventeen?"

"I don't want to talk anymore. Are you guys going to leave me alone or do I have to go?" Harry said indifferently.

Professor McGonagall picked then to open the door to the dormitory. "The Headmaster would like you again Potter."

* * *

"Albus all I ask for is the chance to undo the hurt I've caused." Severus hissed desperately, knowing Potter was soon toreturn to the room.

"If what you say is true…you might be the only one able to get it out of Harry as he doesn't blame you for your…mistake," Albus said sharply. "If it turns out to be true I will keep you on until the matter is resolved. But apart from meetings with Mr. Potter, which will be advised by another teacher, the only contact I want the two of you to have with each other is classes. If I find you've been anywhere near him outside of them…"

"I would never, in my right mind, hurt him. No matter how much I disliked his father." Severus replied shortly. "But I must ask you not to push him. Working with him will be delicate…"

"I will not. I have much to make up for if in fact…"

There was a knock on the door before it opened a crack and a mop of black hair stuck in. "Profess…" He paused and swallowed stepping into the doorway. "You're still here Sir."

"Yes Harry. Professor Snape has…expressed his apologies and wishes to try to relieve the pain he's caused you. He thinks together you can get past the pain he caused with his actions." Albus said diplomatically while keeping the disbelief out of his voice.

"Oh. Err," Harry stepped forward and into the other chair across from the Headmaster. "You'll…be staying then?"

"Yes Mister Potter." Severus said neutrally.

"The…the school governers won't find out? Or the Ministry or the Prophet?" Harry asked almost eagerly.

"They won't find out…for now." Albus conceded, looking over Harry worriedly. "Are you sure…"

"Yes! I want this! Professor Snape…" Harry turned to the man, gaze somewhere around his shoulder. "You, don't deserve what could happen if people found out." Harry looked back to the Headmaster. "He made a mistake. A big one. But can you really send him away from…his life, to go to Azkaban? Or…to be killed? Kissed?"

Albus' face softened. "It's admirable that even after what he did to you, you think of him too Harry, but some things are…unforgivable."

Harry shook his head and looked at Albus firmly. "Not this. Some things are unforgivable but not this!"

* * *

AN: Now is the time to strike! NOW is the time to launch my final operation...#farts#...I have killed the fart. May the fart stay with you!#runs off sniggering#


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I no own, I no infringe, you no tell, I no get sued.**

**A/N: **If my flamers are again reading this, I suppose they'll be more comments like this is crap, there's no point or plot, it sucks etc. I just have one thing to say to flamers. I can take CRITICISM. But I will not take you yellow-bellied-motherfucking-two-faced ignoramuses telling me shit about my stories when I bet you couldn't write any fucking better. One of you couldn't even spell the fricking word PLANNED! Two n's not one, you dumbassed freak. And if you feel inclined to flame me again, you know what? I won't even remove them cuz HEY! You make my story look better with an extra few reviews so take that you little shits! #does thedouble middlefingersalute#

**Oblivion**

**Chapter 13**

Harry shifted awkwardly under the stares of the two men. "I think time will heal everything. Thanks for offering to help Professor but I don't really think there's anything you can do."

"You need to talk about it." The Potions Master said neutrally looking away from Harry. "I would like to talk about it."

Harry glanced from the man to Albus. "I don't really think I need counseling or anything like that. I mean, I just don't want this to have to be…publicize. Professor Dumbledore, really, I won't say I'm at ease in Professor Snape's presence," Harry gave the man a brief apologetic look. "That will take time, but I don't…blame him for what happened as if he set out meaning to hurt me. Can't we just…resolve this between ourselves? Please?"

"Harry let's not get into this now…" Albus started.

"No! We should! He doesn't know the Prophecy does he?" Harry gestured to Snape, waiting for Albus' affirmation. "But he must know that Voldemort will be on the move this year. Now is no time to be…bringing up something like this to the wizarding world. And as the person the incident happened to what about my right to privacy?"

"It affects others also." Albus said quietly. "The protection of the students is at stake…"

"Headmaster, if you honestly believed Professor Snape would hurt a child in this school he wouldn't have been hired."

Albus shut his eyes. "But what he did to you!"

Harry made a noise of impatience. "As if you've never hurt me!"

Severus was looking back and forth interestedly and saw Albus' flinch at the boy's words. Score.

"Professor Dumbledore, I'm begging you…don't persecute him for this. If I think I can forgive him…"

"Then I should be able to also. But I need time. I am giving Severus a chance also as you do still see him here. But Harry I am not at all at peace with what happened." Albus' gaze pierced Harry. "Even if I don't publicize this I may still remove him from his position."

Harry looked at Albus sadly. "Do I have to beg?"

"Potter," Severus picked now to intervene. "As much as I appreciate your…defense of me, why?"

"Because. It truly was an accident. You did not set out to hurt me. You're…you may not be the most agreeable of persons but you wouldn't hurt anyone without cause." Harry's voice hitched, "You wouldn't…purposefully, drug a student," He shook his head firmly, suddenly. "Yourself, to aid in committing rape." Harry tried to lighten the mood with a faked laugh. "In fact if you cleaned that potions stuff out of your hair and didn't scowl so much and fixed yourself up, you could even get a date willingly."

Severus' eyes narrowed.

Albus' eyes too were on Harry. "Is there anything you want to tell us Harry?"

The boy blinked and seemed to startle. "No!" There was a pause. "I mean…no, I…don't think so…umm, well maybe." Harry fidgeted with his shirt. "I never did really apologize to you Professor even though that's why I came to your chambers. I'm sorry that I looked into your pensieve last year."

Severus put on an impassive mask and nodded barely. "Apology accepted."

Albus sighed. "Harry, keep the meetings in mind. Maybe you need time. You may not want to talk about it now but…"

Harry bit his lip nervously, flicking eyes to Severus. "I'll, I'll do them. As long as you have him occupied you can't just fire him." Harry raised his head stubbornly."

Severus arched an eyebrow in askance as Albus smiled slightly, showing slight mirth. "I promised you Harry that I would think about it." He looked to Severus. "I would, like to be able to trust you again. But as Harry said, it will take time."

* * *

Harry had left, looking a lot better than he had when he'd come in. 

"You were right." Albus said emotionlessly.

Severus inclined his head. "I have seen…such signs with different cases. Perhaps, I was too blind with it being Potter to notice he was in pain. Strange it may seem, he already seems to be…accepting what happened with us even if he is not 'okay with it' or to the forgiving stage yet, but he still has closure problems with whatever happened to him before."

"I just can't believe it happened twice. To Harry. Harry! Who should be the most protected!" Albus took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes wearily. "Do you have any idea when or who…?"

"Both. I think it was his second year. Lockhart. But I'm not sure. And with what we know about Lockhart and the way he's taking it as if it too was fresh…I suspect he may have been Obliviated and has only just remembered."

Albus' eyes turned hard and for the first time in two days it wasn't for him. "It is fortuitous for him, he can't remember anything and is pretty much mindless."

"You'd have him thrown in Azkaban." Severus said softly.

Albus turned eyes to him. "If you hurt him I'll have you thrown in Azkaban."

"I never thought I'd be asking this." The Professor let out a heavy sigh. "What is so special about him?"

Albus smiled sadly. "It's what you've never understood. It's not because he survived Voldemort. It's not because he will fight Voldemort. It's not because he's the Boy-Who-Lived. It's because of Harry. You could never see past James Potter to see the Lily in him, and what is solely Harry. He has Lily's temperament and his own character. The bravery of a Gryffindor yes, recklessness you might say, but it's Harry's heart that makes him care for people so. It's what makes him defend you. It's what will make him try to forgive instead of alienating you. And it's where you may never have a place if it's too late. If what you did is too much. And it's your loss." Albus sighed. "My loss too if I am no longer there."

"He means a lot to you." Severus said standing.

"He's like a grandson to me." Albus smiled sadly. "It's…terrible he has been in so much pain under my care."

"I'll try to do what I can to…fix what I did. Maybe one day I'll even see what you do." Severus walked to the door.

* * *

AN: Ahh...now that's off my chest. Enjoy!#grins#Oh and no Runespoor tonight. Sorry. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I no own, I no infringe, you no tell, I no get sued.**

**A/N: Lookie! It's an update!** Now now duckies, #has been watching Teen Titans with Mad Maud# don't get all excited. Yes this is an update. Yes you have been waiting forever for it, yes I am yakking standing in the way of your story...#notices you all holding bat-terangs and sonic canons#...duckies!

**BOOM!**

**Oblivion**

**Chapter 14**

The next day found Harry going down to breakfast with something like an honor guard. Ron obviously hadn't told their dorm mates why Harry needed protection, or they'd be swarming around him asking how he was, who did it, what was going on and such, bothering him, but here they were. They had stayed behind for some reason, while Ron and Harry were getting ready to leave. They were walking down with them for that same reason, and clumped around him at Gryffindor table Dean and Seamus boxing him in with Neville across from him, assuming for that same reason.

Hermione was next to Seamus and Ron was next to Dean, with Luna and Ginny on either side of Neville, finishing his little box of friends.

"I wish you wouldn't do this." Harry said quietly.

"Now you mention it Harry," Seamus lilted, pulling a plate of kippers to himself. "Why're we guarding you aga…oww!" Seamus gave Ron a glare while Ron ignored him for a roll.

"You guys all know Voldemort's alive now and Harry…needs more protection than ever." Hermione gave Harry a furtive look.

Ron suddenly gained interest then. "So that's why we need one of you to be foll…that is, be with Harry as much as possible." He about-turned mid word.

"Isn't this rather 'locking the stable door after the horse is long gone'?" Harry said bitterly under his breath. Ron looked rather confused but Hermione looked affronted.

"We're just trying to protect you!"

"Did you guys hear something about Voldemort we don't know about that you have us tracking Harry?"

"No they didn't they're just being over protective!"

"Harry! You told us…!" Hermione looked around at their other friends and flushed. "Look, people here are…dangerous."

"I told you he's not dangerous!" Harry pushed up from the bench and shouted at Hermione. He finished trembling and then looked around to find people staring at him. He started shaking again, staring down at her. "I was fine 'til you started up on this again." He whispered. "It's over…and the person…who hurt me is gone. Just leave it alone."

Harry made his way out of the Great Hall, ignoring everyone until he made it to the foyer, then stopped when he realized who was just walking towards the staircase.

"Potter."

Harry swallowed and smiled weakly. "Professor. Snape. Sir…" He flushed. The Professor's face remained impassive though an eyebrow arched questioningly. "Sorry. Awkward."

The Potions Master nodded looking around. "I believe you are heading upstairs. I too have somewhere to go there. If you would…" he gestured to the stairs, leaving Harry blinking in surprise.

"Uhh," Harry replied breathlessly. "I, have to, get my bag to…come back down…for your class!"

The Professor smirked. "If you're late I'll only take ten points. Seriously, I, we require a talk."

Harry glanced back at the Great Hall before sighing and started up the stairs reluctantly, the Professor climbing slowly next to him, his usual long strides cut.

"I regret having to…impose my presence upon you, what with…," Harry cringed. "what happened. We must talk about it. And you did agree to the meetings. That's why I wanted to talk to you. As Tuesdays and Thursdays are Occlumency, I would appreciate it if the other perhaps…Friday and Mondays, we could do that talks?"

"Mondays are Quidditch practice." Harry said softly, unaware he was edging as far away from the Professor as he could.

"Wednesday and Friday then?" Harry flinched as the dark eyes turned to him. "If we are to…really succeed at getting over what has happened we must do this. You can't even be on the same corridor as me without walking practically on the wall." The green-eyed boy flushed realizing he was jammed against it. "If you are to even be in my class without giving the secret away you must become used to proximity to me again." Harry looked scared at the thought. "However it's much too soon. I believe Professor Dumbledore will allow you to miss this one class as our first meeting is tonight. We will deal with that."

Harry let out a shuddering breath. "I can do it. I'm fine, I really don't think I still need…"

"Yes you do. Unless you usually yell at your friends during breakfast." Was lowly sneered back at him.

Harry straightened his spine, stepping away from the wall. "When they start poking their noses into my business yes!"

"They simply care about you." Snape said offhandedly. "Perhaps…if they had been with you when you came to…"

Harry shook his head. "I never told them what I saw in your penseive."

They had stopped in the middle of the hallway looking at each other. Harry was getting more and more uncomfortable as the man kept staring at him.

"Go and prepare for your next class. I will see you tonight."

"Thank you sir!" Harry took a step back before turning slowly and backing the man, walked away, flinching every step. He got to the next step of staircases, no Confunduses having hit him in the back and sighed in relief, before heading up to the Gryffindor common room.

* * *

At the knock on the door of his office Severus stood and opened it before stepping aside.

"Mr. Potter."

The shaggy raven head nodded demurely before Potter hurried to sit himself in the chair across from his desk. Severus shut the door and turned back to face the boy's back in the chair.

"Would you rather we just jumped straight into this…?"

"I wouldn't." The boy whispered, head down.

Severus sighed wearily. "Tea then." Potter blinked and lifted his head in surprise as a conjured tray landed gently on the table before him. "I'm sure you haven't been eating properly since the start of term."

Potter flushed. "I…"

"It's not because you're such a good actor no one noticed. We just all assumed it was for, one reason or another." Severus said shortly whirling into his chair.

Potter picked up a biscuit then and nibbled at it.

"Since this is sort of like, therapy, is there anything else bothering you that isn't in connection with…" Severus took a breath. "Your rape by me."

"It wasn't…" Potter started.

"It was! By accident or not. As soon as you accept that then we can't work on the problem. If, I can say it, admit that I did such a thing. You should be able to admit it happened to you."

The boy breathed in harshly. "I don't want to admit it happened. I mean…can you say 'useless savior'? Can't save himself…but is supposed to save hundreds of people!"

"Pretend, since you like acting, that you like playing the victim." Severus muttered.

Potter looked up, green eyes sharp. "You should know from last year I'm not really like that. What you think I am. That's…my father when he was young and stupid. Not me."

"So everyone says…" The Potions Master gritted his teeth. "Since I'm not our on my ear yet considering what I did to you, I suppose there is some merit to the belief."

Potter snorted. "That's your way of saying 'I'm wrong' without actually saying it!"

"I can still take points Potter!" Severus said warningly.

"I'm feeling ever so relaxed here already." He grumbled throwing down his biscuit.

There was a lull in conversation then as Severus breathed heavily and slowly through his nose.

"Sorry." Potter grated out. Severus nodded back sharply and they fell quiet again.

"Well, since we're here to talk…the only other thing that's bothering me…besides…the rape," Potter hurried on. "Is that Sirius is dead. And you can't help me there. So can we just…can I go? I'm not flinching anymore so…"

"No. You will stay here until we talk about this. You may leave at ten. It's eight thirty-five." Severus sneered. "So get used to me walking around you. Get used to me breathing down your neck. Get used to my voice. Get used to being here."

Potter picked back up his biscuit. "Joy." He deadpanned, and bit in.

* * *

Yeah. Okay, in other news. I'm sort of back on track. I'm updating, flipping over all my stories again so they don't get stale. But it's going slowly. I have to get back in the groove again. So for a bit there won't be a Runespoor everyday, I thinkI already said that in Runespoor itself. And my other updates won't be as...flowing as usual. I'm trying to flip over really old stories like Nella, that's been really neglected to me,but I'm working on that far back. So bear with me people! I'm here! I'm just really really slow!


	15. Chapter 15

**_Disclaimer: Ahem. I do not own Harry Potter or any of his fellows. If you tattle on me and I get sued you get no more story._**

****

A/N: Okay. Don't hurt me!ducks flying instruments IT'S NOT MY FAULT! My former computer broke down and I couldn't get back on for this long!cowers Here...take it! Take it!

**Oblivion**

**Chapter 15**

Yesterday there had been a class with the Potions Master but Harry had been quite proud of himself. Except for one flinch as the door slammed while the man whirled in and all the lack of defiant eye contact, he'd been totally natural. He'd tried to do his potion, failed to meet the man's standard, and had been ran out of class with Snape's insults ringing in his ears with everyone else.

Today now though, this evening, was the Friday counseling meeting. And as smoothly as yesterday had gone, he didn't want to push his luck spending three hours with the man. But here he was, at the office door with his fist raised and frozen. Why did he have to care? Why couldn't he just leave Snape to be thrown in jail as he probably thoroughly deserved? He was _insane_, coming here to be alone with the man who had raped him!

The door flew open suddenly. "Potter." Face blank Snape stepped aside holding the door open and Harry swallowed heavily before he ploughed inside quickly. He swiveled as soon as he was in as Snape closed the door slowly, black eyes on him. Biting his lip apprehensively, Harry sat in the chair across from Snape's desk, still twisted in order to see the man as he moved. It seemed like forever before the Potions Master was back in his chair behind his desk and staring uninterestedly at Harry.

"So," He started awkwardly.

"Ever the conversationalist Potter." Snape replied condescendingly.

"I'm trying! Harry snapped back. "Which is more than I can say for you! Gods, why am I trying this? Remind me why again! Why am I protecting you! Why do I care what happens to you! Why do I do this to myself!"

Severus arched an eyebrow, looking into the furious green eyes glaring at him before a corner of his lip quirked. "Because, you are Harry. Harry Potter, but mostly Harry yes? With an overpowering hero complex. You may not do it for attention like your father did but you have this need to be savior don't you?" This was all replied calmly to a shell-shocked Harry.

"That's…I don't…I'm not like my father." He murmured quietly.

"Yes, I believe we established that."

Haunted green eyes met black again. "I never wanted the attention. I never wanted to be the hero. I'm just…I just am."

"It's a part of you. My hypothesis I've been working on since…well, my last talk with Albus made me realize something. You are an embodiment of both James, Lily and yourself. Like James you attract attention, like Lily, you never wanted it, like yourself…it's just who you are. It comes from that," Snape sneered lightly here. "Pathetically Gryffindor heart."

"You just had to add in that last part so it wouldn't sound like you were complimenting me huh?"

"Never let it be said I complimented a Potter." Snape replied airily.

"I could have been Slytherin you know." Harry batted back viciously. At Snape's slightly widened eyes he smirked. "Yes. Me, in Slytherin. I _somewhere_ picked up snakelike tendencies. Not to mention I can manipulate when needed too. Though that may actually not be Voldemort's influence…but Albus' after watching him for years, I'm still more Slytherin without having to have risked my life living in that dorm." Harry wandered off, with a wry smile.

"Don't joke about things like that." Snape suddenly flashed forward suddenly, startling Harry back to quivering against his chair. "Be grateful you little fool that for some reason you ended up in Gryffindor. Even with me trying to protect your pathetic arse, if you'd been in Slytherin you'd have been dead before the end of term!" He hissed angrily.

"I told the hat to put me there!" Harry choked back before gathering in a breath and yelling. "And I'm damned glad I didn't have to end up with you for a Head of House, you hypocritical bastard! You didn't think my arse was pathetic while you were buggering it!"

For a few minutes Harry stayed huddled against his chair and Snape leaned back in his with red spots of anger and embarrassment staining his cheeks, before the Potions Master let out a long breath.

"Tea." Snape asked flatly.

"Yeah. Thanks." Harry breathed out hoarsely.

* * *

He couldn't believe he'd said that to the man, Harry thought dazedly as he quietly entered his dorm and shut the door behind him. It was after curfew so he tiptoed to his bed with his mind whirling around the meeting.

And Snape had always been trying to protect him…pity he'd only been disgusted with Lockhart's stupidity and not suspicious of his fanaticism of Harry. And he couldn't very well protect Harry from himself.

And Snape had said something _nice _about him. Ended it with an insult but basically…

Harry shook his head as he opened his bed hangings and stifled a cry of surprise to find Ron and Hermione sitting up on his bed waiting for him, with one of their wands lit.

"What the…what are you guys doing in my bed?" Harry hissed flushing. "Ron use your own!"

Ron stiffened before turning brick red and Hermione coughed lightly.

"That's not…ugh, we're here for a reason Harry. Sit down and close the curtains."

"Why didn't you guys wait in the common room for me or something…?" Harry said, obeying. "This is bloody awkward."

"It's after curfew Harry. McGonagall would have chased us up when she made rounds half hour ago." Ron stated, an eyebrow arched.

"Oh…" Harry said mouth open. "Oh yeah."

"Where have you been?" Hermione hissed suddenly. "We've been worried! None of the others could find you…we were afraid…"

Harry slapped his forehead. "Not this! Not this again! I told you guys to drop it!" He stopped suddenly as his voice rebounded in the small, warded area.

"It's obviously still a matter with you if it's making you shout at your friends." Hermione said, tone hurt.

Harry sighed looking from her shadowed face to his bed sheet. "I wouldn't have to yell at you if you'd mind your own business when I asked you to."

"Well we couldn't okay? No one's missing from any of the House tables, _Harry_, you lied. The person who raped you is still here, still loose in this school and we want to know where the Hell you were this evening!" Ron yelled.

"Not that it's any of your fucking business since I told you to butt out! But I was getting counseling okay? And the person who hurt me is gone…so take your detective work and shove it where the door smacks you when you're leaving! Get out!"

There was a short pause before Hermione leaned forward into the wand light. "Counseling? But…the only teacher who didn't stay in the Hall all through dinner was…" Hermione frowned as Ron gasped.

"Snape? Dumbledore put you into counseling with SNAPE? What the hell is he thinking?"

"That he can help me. And he was. I was feeling quite alright until you guys brought up this crap again! I told you to leave it alone! If you can't be proper friends and respect my wishes I'd like you to leave ME alone."

"Harry you don't mean that…" Hermione's eyes welled.

"I told you." Harry crossed his arms.

"We're just trying to understand! You keep lying to us! We're just trying to understand what's going on with our friend…" Harry interrupted while pushing Ron and Hermione each with one hand.

"Okay. You want to know why I'm being the way I am? You want the truth…" He pushed open the hangings as they slid off his bed. "The man who hurt me _is_ gone. I don't know what part of that you don't understand, maybe it's just because you can't stand not knowing WHO it was eh, Hermione? I'm sick and tired of people not caring about what I want when I'm supposed to care about them all the time. I don't want the life I have and Ron if I could trade with you everything I have and am since you hate 'being in my shadow' so much I would, I assure you. And one last truth for you, I'm gay and having problems facing it since I was raped by a guy okay? Enough truth for you? Goodnight." With that Harry shut his hangings, sealed them and flopped back onto his bed.

Cleansing is good for the soul…but not when you're trying to sleep.

* * *

bows to whom were her former minions Is it good enough?...mutters under breath you little scuz-munchers.

blinks in surprise sorry, channeling gizmo from teen titans.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I no own, You no sue.

A/N: No comment today duckies.

**Oblivion**

**Chapter 16**

Harry was looking forward to the weekend he had ahead of him, though he was sad right now he and his friends were estranged, but that was on their heads. Anyway, this was his first relaxed weekend since the secret had been found out and the meetings were going well so he just wanted to…

He turned his face to the sunlight and smiled tiredly with his broom slung over his shoulder. He needed a good fly right about now. It was already late October and beginning to get cold, with Halloween in a week. He needed to take advantage of the warm fly time when none of the teams were booked. Harry got onto the pitch and swung a leg over his broom before kicking off with a true grin of exhilaration.

Free, he thought going up, up, the wind ruffling his hair. He turned lazily and let the broom cruise before turning his thoughts inward. He was okay wasn't he? He'd got over the incident with Snape right? And Lockhart was long gone, since second year, he couldn't hurt him. He could humour Snape, well, really Headmaster Dumbledore and keep going to these meetings until the Headmaster learned to trust his teacher again but he didn't really need them. And it wasn't like they needed to know about something that happened six years ago. No…they didn't need to know about Lockhart…and he was over it…he was…

He came to himself suddenly and swerved his broom from the stand he was drifting towards sharply before starting back the way he'd come. The idea of seeing Lockhart again now he remembered what had happened didn't send him into a cold sweat…and he didn't shiver occasionally when he found himself heading along the corridor to the Defense teacher's quarters…and he wasn't still slightly afraid around Snape…that was just residual...effects. He'd forgiven Snape. And…he would forget Lockhart.

Harry shivered as a cold feeling slipped down his spine. He'd be fine…really. He decided it was time to get off the broom as his hands shook unsteadily and the broom started to jerk. There'd be plenty of time for flying during team training…

* * *

Halloween had, for the first time in his stay at Hogwarts, been uneventful and in fact a month had passed since.

In the month that had passed little had changed but the few things that had were important. He and Ron and Hermione still were not speaking. Or rather he wasn't talking to them. He was captain of the Quidditch team, very reluctantly. He was receiving extra training from some teachers too. Also he, Dumbledore and Snape had come to a mutual agreement about the counseling meetings that left Snape unobserved while they spoke but the last thing and the biggest to Harry…he and Severus Snape were_ tentative_ companions.

It was freaky as hell.

Harry had talked about his father for two or so meetings, Snape had replied with his thoughts, it ended in shouting. He had talked about Sirius, Snape had put his input about the mutt, those meetings had ended in more shouting. Harry had given his views on Snape, Snape had given his views on Harry…you guessed it. More shouting. And then after they both spent a few days fuming quietly the conversation had become curt. Then inane. Then mildly interesting…and one day they were having a mild debate about Potions…

Potions…Harry shook his head in shock. How the hell had he and Snape become…dare he say it? Allies.

Just last week they had gone to talk to Dumbledore together to have the monitoring taken off Snape's office for the meetings and Harry had enthusiastically given his permission, stating his trust in Snape hesitantly. Dumbledore had smiled but, sort of sadly, and Harry realized it was because they were finally united but it had taken something like…that. In another private meeting with Harry alone though he had mentioned training, for his eventual battle with Voldemort. And the Headmaster wanted him to talk to Snape about it. When he had their had been a curt agreement on training in dueling and spells and perhaps some physical training, with a barb about his scrawniness before their usual counseling meeting continued.

He didn't like to think about the rape a lot but he and Snape did talk about it. He had faced up to what had happened and though it didn't give happy feelings the memory of it was just that…a memory.

Unfortunately, Harry had the vague feeling Snape was trying to dig into his past. He might know about…Harry shook his head. Snape was smart but he couldn't, _couldn't_ know about Lockhart! Harry had said nothing, did nothing to suggest he'd been raped before. After yet another failed attempt at learning Occlumency, Harry sighed frustrated and flopped into a chair.

"Why can't I _do_ this?"

"Because you're not trying hard enough Potter! Somehow, thank Merlin, you've finally managed to at least make a mental wall. But it's pathetic, putting it bluntly." Severus sat gracefully in the chair across from him. "Perhaps you're trying too hard. Something you're trying to hide Potter?"

Harry scowled. Yes, Snape was prying. They might be working together now but the man had no right in his business! "Nothing of consequence to you." He retorted flatly.

Severus almost smirked and leaned back in his chair. "Why don't you just tell me what it is Potter? I'll find out anyway."

"Okay." Harry leaned forward with a faked thoughtful face. "My big secret is...I'm into necrophilia with dead men. Perhaps after I've killed Voldemort I'll make sure to spunk in his face."

Severus arched an eyebrow before leaning forward too. "I could just rip into your mind and find what I want, you know, Potter?"

"Yes. But then I'd never forgive you, having broken the tentative trust we have now. And you'd likely find yourself in Azkaban waiting for a dementor to come kiss you goodnight." Harry said bitterly.

"But I've made a promise to help you." Severus continued as if Harry hadn't spoken. "And I won't break that."

"Why do you think I need help?" Harry stood suddenly. "I'm fine! The only thing wrong with me is that the world I'm a part of now is at war, a crazy maniac is after me and I'm the one destined to kill him supposedly. Apart from that nothing's wrong with me."

"You're a horrid liar Potter. And I don't even need to be a Legilimens to know that you're lying." Harry looked away from Severus' piercing eyes just in case. "Potter, don't take this for granted. I'm honestly trying to help you. If you'd just tell me…"

"I don't have anything to say!" Harry shouted suddenly, angry and lightheaded. "Are you done?"

"You may go Potter."

* * *

A/N: Shall I just be blunt?

Voting: How many people **don't** mind an Mpreg story and how many people **do**? Hint just say do or don't in your review.

Hmm, I think that's the only thing I have to say.


	17. Chapter 17

**Oblivion**

**Chapter 17**

Severus Snape was beginning to get frustrated. With Potter but of course. Why couldn't the boy just tell him what was wrong with him so he could help him through his past. Honestly, he didn't even think Potter was fully over what had happened between _them,_ but he couldn't deal with that unless he dealt with the Lockhart incident. And he was sure it was Lockhart, that had raped him before. If nothing else, their last meeting and Potter's outburst assured him of that. Now to get the boy to admit it. Acceptance was the first step to facing a problem, after getting over the denial.

He was also worried something else was bothering Potter now. Perhaps the meetings were becoming too much? Or the boy was for some reason regretting his defense of him. But after having to spend a couple of nights of his week talking to Potter he could tell something was wrong now. The boy looked drawn, a bit unstable even, physically. He kept an inconspicuous eye on Potter while he picked at his breakfast and frowned internally as the boy left having hardly eaten. Neutrally he noted Potter's friends following him out. Perhaps they could help…but then again the boy refused to talk to them…

"Severus, would you mind escorting me to my office?" Severus kept his face blank as he nodded and stood from his tea and toast.

The Potions Master followed Albus along the corridors, mind working. Had the Headmaster come to come decision about his being here? Was his time up? If he had to fight again he would! He had some integrity left and he had said, _sworn_, he wasn't leaving until he had helped Potter. After that he could be fired…Azkaban…whatever, whoever wished.

He came to himself as Albus gestured him into his office and shut the door behind them.

"So what is this about Headmaster?" Severus said settling himself into a chair.

"What is happening to Harry?" Albus said sharply, voice chilly. "If your meetings are doing this to him…"

"If you mean his current state of appearance, it's not me or my doing. I think something is wrong but he is not yet ready to confide in me." Severus looked at Albus neutrally as the suspicious look died. "He will not confide in myself, his friends, anyone. Obviously what happened bothers him greatly for some reason."

"So it's not something new? That happened recently that has him like this? He seemed recovered the past month and now this has started, he seems to have deteriorated again."

"I don't know why. Maybe the meetings _are_ too much for him. Perhaps it is me. Perhaps my questioning. But I have to…pressure him if I'm going to get him to crack."

Albus relaxed in his chair. "Okay. I think Harry is trying to trust you so perhaps he will confide in you soon. Just make sure your pressuring is within reason." The blue eyes stared at him sternly.

"I would never hurt a student." Severus stood. "I'm sorry you can't separate me from my drugged counterpart. But perhaps forgiveness will come some day. Headmaster," Saying that Severus exited.

* * *

Harry had entered the office tiredly that evening. Sitting edgily on his chair he waited for the professor to open the meeting as usual.

"Yet another day of this I see." Severus swept back around him from the door and went around his desk to sit.

"I don't really have anything to talk about."

"Nothing in your mind? Surprise, surprise." Harry sighed at the dull barb. "Okay Mr. Potter. If you don't want to tell me what it is bothering you, that has you not eating properly, not working properly and apparently," Black eyes raked over his face. "Not sleeping properly, I'll just talk today then."

"Knock yourself out." Literally, Harry added in his head.

"Okay. I'd like to talk about the rape." Severus leaned back in his chair and stared at Harry. "I don't really have a recollection of feelings…as it happened, except for basically…what the potion made me feel. Pleasure. But…the few things I do get from my memories is questions. About you. I know I attacked you and the Confundus at first must have had something to do with your lassitude. But why didn't you fight me Potter? You just lay there and let me…you could have fought. Is that something you're supposed to do when sexually attacked? Be docile?" Severus sneered and leaned forward as the boy began to react at last. "Don't give me any lame excuses either. You could have hit, screamed, something. Run away and told on me. Wouldn't you have loved the chance to finally get me out of the school? And even if you weren't thinking of it from that point of view…what about your own protection! Why didn't you fight me Potter?" He was by now standing and leaning over the table, spitting the question at Harry.

"Will you stop pestering me? Just stop!" Harry dug his nails into his scalp, pulling his hair, breathing agitatedly. "What do you want from me?"

"The truth Potter. Simply the truth." Severus said soothingly, lowering his voice. "Look, just tell me how you feel. That's what these meetings are for." The professor squeezed his nose bridge tiredly. "I'm not one for confession of feelings myself. But I'm trying."

"I'm confused! And I'm angry! And…and scared sometimes…" Harry shuddered and covered his face. "I want to know why…why…" He looked up and Severus flinched at the tears welling in his eyes. "Why me? What the fuck did I do to deserve the shit that happens to me! And I want to know why if I've forgiven you I can't just…get over what happened? I hear you talking about it and I feel sick…_sick_." His voice trailed off with a hitch.

"Just because you forgive someone…doesn't mean you forget. You feel sick because…it was sick. It shouldn't have happened. You were raped and, I'm sorry. I wish it had never happened." Severus sat back down. "You have a right to be angry and scared. But if you'd trust me…talk to me, perhaps you wouldn't be so confused anymore."

Harry smiled bitterly, swiping at his eyes under his glasses. "I know what you want me to tell you. Stop playing with me Professor. I know you already know. You just want me to say it." He laughed with no humour. "For a Slytherin you're not very subtle at slipping in the surreptitious questions."

"Admitting it is the first step to…"

"Shut up. I know the mumbo jumbo." Harry took off his glasses and rubbed his face tiredly. "If I tell you…I know you'll tell Dumbledore. But there has to be a deal here. If I tell you and you tell him…it can go no further! If it does I'll deny it, I will!" He tried to glare threateningly but his shortsightedness sort of ruined the look. "He can tell no one. And I hope these meetings can end."

"The meetings will end when I think you're better Potter. Then I can leave knowing I…fixed the damage I did."

"You know it's not only you." Harry looked at his lap as he pushed back on his glasses. "You know you're not the first. Why didn't I fight? I didn't…because I was remembering it had happened before. Is that what you wanted to hear finally?" He looked up with a side, twisted smile. "Professor Lockhart raped me in second year. He drugged me with an aphrodisiac then had his way with a twelve year old who didn't know any better. And the worst thing is…I let him. I…did things with him. I responded, I went along with his _suggestions…_I did things." Harry whispered. "So…so that's it. I hope the knowledge is everything you wanted." Harry stood and looked at his professor before he turned and left the room and Snape, wordlessly.

* * *

A/N : I love all you guys! My Christmas present to you!


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note**: You lucky, lucky people you.

You are the lucky few that are NOT getting a note to tell you this story is ending! Hooray!

For some reason my stubborn mind is insisting it can finishing this given time and furthermore – with my time off (coming soon in May, check my profile people!) and improved skills after having had writing help on LJ – you will benefit from a better reading experience.

That being said, don't look for updates next week. LOL, sorry folks but though my free time is coming up, it isn't here yet. I can say for Vanteerian Charm that it will be a long, hard road to re-writing the 9000 words lost to that issue I told you guys about where I lost my files – I remember the plot though so fear not. It's just the time to write it all back… As for Rejected Runespoor I had promised an overhaul and it will come. Having re-read I know it is NECESSARY and it will be done before I can think to continue writing. As for Just What I've Never Wanted, it was almost complete before I lost my files and this one hurts the most… I had the most beautiful scenes ready for the near-end… I have to muster up the motivation to work myself back there again. I will though, that's a promise.

So these three stories – though it will not be immediate – will be continued. Hang in there people,

Love Tinks


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